Over the last few days, Craig and I had the joy of spending time with our brother and sister-in-law and their 3 precious boys. It was a packed weekend full of swimming, pictures, laughter and great memories. During this time, I had the chance to spend some one-on-one time with my oldest nephew, Dawson. I was prepared for a conversation about school, toys and cartoons but I had not expected Dawson to ask me about adoption. We talked about what adoption meant and he asked me mature questions, like “Did I want a boy or girl?” and “Was I ready to be a parent?” Then my almost-nine-year-old nephew gave me some parenting advice, wisely telling me that I needed to be ready for little sleep and that Craig would need to be prepared to help out. He even suggested we take turns at night and give each other time to sleep. Dawson said when the time came; he would show us how to change a diaper.
During this struggle with infertility, I have straddled the line between hope and disappointment. I’m hopeful for the chance to be a mom and to raise kids one day but one foot is firmly planted in fear prepared to handle the sting of disappointment and hurt if that doesn’t happen. But moments and conversations like the one with Dawson help me loosen that hold I have on fear. So as we move forward with adoption I’m working on planting both feet in hope. Hoping that one day I will have sleepless nights and need diaper-changing lessons. My prayer today is that I will have sweet moments like this with my children and that those children will get to know their smart, funny and precious cousin.
