Six weeks ago, Craig and I made a visit to the hospital to
meet a beautiful baby girl. We held this precious baby, fed her, watched her
sigh in her sleep. I think of this little one often because six weeks ago, I
thought we were going to bring her home. I thought I was going to be her mom.
Earlier that week, we received a much anticipated phone call
from our adoption agency saying an expecting couple wanted to meet with us. We
sat through a meeting full of nerves and excitement talking with this couple,
each of us weighing the possibility of this adoption. The next day brought
joyous news: they wanted to move forward with adoption and the baby was on the
way. We started preparing the nursery and discussing baby names. We stood in
the middle of Babies “R” Us with our parents, completely overwhelmed but crying
tears of happiness. I registered
for as many pink things as Craig would allow – all knowing that at any chance
this couple could change their minds. Then we spent that memorable day at the
hospital holding a baby we thought could be our daughter. We left the hospital
with a sense of uneasiness and that night our fear was confirmed -- the
adoption wasn’t going to take place.
It was week filled with such joy yet ended in heartbreaking
sadness. Though we know this was not the child planned for our family and this
baby is exactly where God intended her, it didn’t make the loss any easier.
During this time, we were loved well by our family, friends and agency workers
but the most comforting presence was God’s steadfast love. Through every step,
He made His presence known. He provided strength when we needed it, comfort
when we hurt and when our arms were left empty He provided hope. My heart is
closer to Him because of this situation and for that I am grateful.
Six weeks ago, I didn’t think I was strong enough to walk
through this but because of Him, I am. His steadfast love continues to be a
comforting balm to our hurting hearts. While there is still pain and tears, one
constant remains: God is good and His loves endures through all things.
The steadfast love of the
Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end,
They are new every
morning. Great is your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul,
Therefore I will hope in
Him. Lamentations 3:22-26
