The Northcutts

Confession

2011-11-07T07:10:00.000-08:00

Most of this blog has been about what God has done through our longing for a child. But I don’t ever want to present an image that now I’m dealing with this perfectly – that I’ve figured out how to deal with sadness and hurt and no longer struggle with the same sins. To be honest, I constantly battle with the sins of anger and fear and many times, I fail.

The holiday season continues to be a difficult time for me. While my longing for a child is always there, the holiday season seems to magnify that longing and the absence of a child from our home. I find myself anxious about the upcoming holiday season; fearful to face another season not being parents and an irritable attitude starts to grow in me. A big part of me wants the season to rush by and for January to be here. There’s a part of me that doesn’t feel up to all of the holiday hoop-la and times when I feel like I can’t handle another holiday season.

One of my biggest difficulties has been how I deal with sadness and hurt in the right way. It’s so easy for that sadness to turn into bitterness, irritation and worry. For a while I thought I couldn’t be sad. If I felt sad, that meant I thought a child was more important than God. So I tried to buck up, put on a smile and pretend that I was okay with it all. That only resulted in a more bitter and irritable person behind that smile. I’ve learned it’s okay to be sad and feel pain. It’s okay to cry and hurt because sometimes that’s when we feel God’s presence the most. My most vulnerable moments are the times I realize just how much I’m in need of a Savior. During this time, I have to check my heart and remember that the holidays are not about food, presents or even family. Those are wonderful blessings God gives us to enjoy but they’re not the meaning of the holiday season. God gives us celebrations to mirror the celebration that will take place once we are reunited with our Heavenly Father. I need to hold tight to the truth that while I don’t have child, I do have a Savior – one who is faithful and loving. When I revel in who God is and all that He has done, I am filled with hope and joy. I have a Savior, deserving of praise and worship through this season and every day.

“In this life I will stand
Though my joy and my pain
Knowing there’s a greater day
There’s a hope that never fails
When Your name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I’m believing for the day”
You hold me now ~ Hillsong

Sweet Sis

2011-08-09T06:48:00.000-07:00

Meet my little sister, Elizabeth. There is something unique and special about being sisters. We’ve shared bedrooms, clothes, secrets and the same faith in Christ. My sister is an encourager, a person who sees the very best in you. Because of her graciousness, there are things only she can tell me. Growing up, Liz could share the same advice as my parents but for some reason, the words sounded different coming from her (Sorry mom and dad). There isn’t anything about my life my sister doesn’t know and in my longing for a child, she has seen my best and my very worst.

During a time that bitterness and anger had settled in my heart, I couldn’t talk about our struggle without those feelings creeping up. Liz began to ask me a question:
“Why do you think God has you going through this?”

It was a question I didn’t want to think about and certainly didn’t want to answer. Answering that question, meant having to deal with my sin – to look at my life and see what God was trying to show me about myself and about Him. It meant dealing with the sins of entitlement – feeling that I deserved to be a mom, jealousy – for others who were able to get pregnant and control – wanting my plan, my way. So I avoided the question, angrily telling Liz that I just didn’t know. For awhile, it was easier to sit in anger. Easier to pout and think, “It’s not fair” that we have go through this. Conversation after conversation, Liz would listen to me, she would encourage and love me, but then she would continue to ask that question and continue to point me to Christ.

The Lord used Liz to help me deal with the ugliness of sin and see the goodness that only comes from God. He used her words, her encouragement and kind heart to push me to Him. He used her as a tool to help me realize that being a mom and having a child won’t satisfy me. In the end, only Christ is all and He is enough.

My sweet sis turned 25 yesterday. During our phone conversation, she said, “I feel like I should be more grown-up, more adult now.” Oh sister, you are wise beyond your years. I’m thankful everyday for your love, friendship and faithfulness.

I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me. Psalm 13:5-6

Choosing Hope

2011-07-19T11:56:00.000-07:00

Over the last few days, Craig and I had the joy of spending time with our brother and sister-in-law and their 3 precious boys. It was a packed weekend full of swimming, pictures, laughter and great memories. During this time, I had the chance to spend some one-on-one time with my oldest nephew, Dawson. I was prepared for a conversation about school, toys and cartoons but I had not expected Dawson to ask me about adoption. We talked about what adoption meant and he asked me mature questions, like “Did I want a boy or girl?” and “Was I ready to be a parent?” Then my almost-nine-year-old nephew gave me some parenting advice, wisely telling me that I needed to be ready for little sleep and that Craig would need to be prepared to help out. He even suggested we take turns at night and give each other time to sleep. Dawson said when the time came; he would show us how to change a diaper.

During this struggle with infertility, I have straddled the line between hope and disappointment. I’m hopeful for the chance to be a mom and to raise kids one day but one foot is firmly planted in fear prepared to handle the sting of disappointment and hurt if that doesn’t happen. But moments and conversations like the one with Dawson help me loosen that hold I have on fear. So as we move forward with adoption I’m working on planting both feet in hope. Hoping that one day I will have sleepless nights and need diaper-changing lessons. My prayer today is that I will have sweet moments like this with my children and that those children will get to know their smart, funny and precious cousin.

There is Greater Joy to Come

2011-05-20T06:37:00.000-07:00

Today is an exciting day for us. This afternoon we will attend an adoption seminar – our first step in the process of adoption. We are excited at what God will do in the process and overjoyed at what He has already done.

Adoption is always something we have considered, even before we were married. We both had a heart for orphans and had talked about the possibility of bringing a child into our home. When we faced the struggle of infertility and unsuccessful medical procedures, we felt God leading us to pursue adoption now. The world of adoption of has been loving and open. Families have shared their stories and their hearts to proclaim how God brought them together. Friends and co-workers have come forward to offer advice, support and prayers. It was a sweet way of God showing us that we weren’t alone during this time.

Adoption has also been challenging. It took some time and some wrong turns to find an agency that had the program we were looking for. Then came paperwork and waiting to hear if we were selected by the agency. After three weeks of waiting, we found out they couldn’t accept us at this time. The agency had too many applications and too many families on the list. It was an emotionally crushing time. We spent lots of time in prayer, crying out to God and asking why He would lead us down the road of adoption only to have the door close on us. We didn’t know the next step to take so we just prayed.

Then two days later, we received an e-mail, asking us to call the agency. Even though they were full, they went back through the list of applicants and selected one couple – us. The lady we spoke with said that in all the years she has worked there, the agency has never done this before. We were (and still are) overwhelmed that this happened to us. There are new tears now –tears of joy and thanksgiving.

So we move forward, knowing there will be more and maybe even bigger challenges to come. But we rest in the peace that God’s got this. He’s in control and He has plan that will surpass all our expectations. We wait, knowing that one day there is more joy to come.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

Musical Prayers

2011-02-09T10:11:00.000-08:00

Growing up, my home was always filled with music. My mom is a beautiful singer and can often be heard singing or humming favorite songs. My dad, although he lacks some vocal talent and rhythm, makes up for it with soul and the desire to move and groove to a beat.

At a young age, I was introduced to Bob Seger, The Eagles and Chicago. Road trips were filled with good music and loud, usually off-key, voices. To this day, I think better with music in the background rather than silence. Whenever I hear a song, I’m quick to sing along or bust out the little moves I have. Some songs get my toes tapping and head bobbing; others stir my heart.

During our 18-month struggle with infertility, I’ve had a difficult time praying and speaking to God. I often didn’t have words to say and would just sit in silence. My heart was heavy with emotions, and I couldn’t find the words. So when I didn’t have the words, I borrowed the words of many others through music.

Worship through music has brought me comfort and nearness with the Lord. Sometimes I let the lyrics wash over me. Other times, I sing to God with all the strength in me. During this time, worship through music is when my heart feels closest to the Lord.

Many songs have touched my heart over the last year, but my favorites are from Jourdan Burks’ album, Mend. She is a talented singer at our church, and I’ve been blessed to hear her many times. I bought her CD during the month I was undergoing fertility shots. To this day, that month was the hardest, most heartbreaking time in my life, especially because the treatment was unsuccessful.

Jourdan’s CD was the only music that played in my car during that time. All my feelings were expressed through her lyrics. Each song is wonderful, but the one that resonated the most with me is Right Here.

I know that you are with me
But I feel so alone
I know you have my future
But it seems unknown

When my heart is hurting
And the pieces fall apart again
When I can’t make sense of it all
You’re still holding me

Lord you are right here with me
Your heart breaks with each tear
You know what’s on the other side
You calm while I’m here
And you are right here with me
You whisper in my ear
I can’t see past this moment
Bring peace while I am here

Lord you know
And you are good
All your promises are true
You are faithful
You are love
And I am yours

Lord you are right here with me
Your heart breaks with each tear
You know what’s on the other side
You calm while I’m here
And you are right here with me
You whisper in my ear
I can’t see past this moment
Bring peace while I am here

My hope in writing this is to encourage you to use and express the talents God gave you. If you feel moved to write, sing, draw, dance, do it for His glory, and He can do amazing things through it. Jourdan doesn’t know me or about my struggle, but God used her words and talent to bring comfort to my heart and allow me to draw closer to Him.

I am incredibly thankful for her lyrics and even more thankful that God is indeed good and that He loves me more than I know. It’s true. He’s right here.

Habakkuk 3:17-18

2011-01-07T15:32:00.000-08:00

A few months before our wedding, Craig called to tell me he had found the verse for our wedding ceremony. I waited excitedly to hear a verse about love, marriage, husbands and wives. Then he read the following to me:

Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. Habakkuk 3:17-18

“Well, what do you think?” he said.

I paused and waited for him to say it’s a joke. Does he really think I want the words “stalls” and “herd” in my wedding ceremony? Where’s the love, the beautiful marriage advice? Then my wise-beyond-his-years man tells me that although these aren’t traditional wedding verses, this is the theme he wants for our marriage: Through all things, good and bad, we have faith in a God who is perfect, all knowing and powerful. He is what gives us strength and brings peace even in the darkest times.

So on our wedding day, I stood next to the love of my life, my best friend and sang “You give and take away. My heart will choose to say. Lord, blessed be Your Name.” Then heard our marriage verses read over us. That day, hearing those words was easy. That day, God filled the desire of my heart to be Mrs. Craig Northcutt. That day, was full of joy, happiness and love. It was easy to say that I had hope and trust in the Lord that day.

Over the last 7 months, we have tried multiple medical treatments to conceive a baby, all of which have been unsuccessful. Each time, one of our attempts failed, these are the verses that are pushed to the front of my mind. These words are harder to say now when there is hurt and disappointment. These words are sometimes said through tears and in a quivering voice. But the truth of these words is still real and these verses carry more meaning for me now than they ever did on my wedding day. My joy is not defined by what I have or don't have. My joy is knowing that the God who created the earth and everything in it, calls me His child and has rescued me from my sin. One day, He will end all hurt and tears and take me home.

This weekend, our church will start studying the book of Habakkuk. I am excited to hear what the Lord has for us through this book and how His Word will continue to challenge and grow my faith.

Little White Table

2010-10-18T16:07:00.000-07:00

Craig and I recently purchased new phones and I had to transfer all my information over to the new one. As I was going through my photos, deciding which pictures to transfer, I found this one of our old kitchen table:

We received this table as a wedding present and it was the only brand new item in our first apartment. Everything else was mismatched treasures found in garage sales, saved from our college days or given to us by our parents. But this small white table was the one thing that was new. And I loved it! Even though four people couldn’t fit around it without bumping elbows, I still loved it. I served my husband the first meal I had ever cooked on that table. I also served him the first meal I ever burned on that table, too.

When I look at this picture, I’m reminded of our first year of marriage and how the Lord graciously provided for us during that time. Times when we didn’t know how the bills were going to be paid, times when the amount we owed was the exact amount we had, when our car broke down and someone just gave us one. Blessed memories of how God gave us more than we deserved over and over. This picture reminds me of how much we depended on the Lord then and how much we need to depend on Him now. Even in our current struggle, God has made His presence known. He has provided friends and family to love us and pray for us. He is with us, daily providing us with strength, hope and love.

By the way, my little white table has a new home with our brother and sister-in-law. I hope they will also make many memories around that table.

Because so many have asked…

2010-07-26T16:42:00.000-07:00

“When are you guys going to have a kid?”

We get asked some form of this question at least once every two weeks. Either from family or friends anxiously hoping that the time is soon or from complete strangers who are just curious. I guess by four years of marriage, most young couples have had at least one child.

The truth isn’t that we don’t want a child. In fact, we desperately long for one. Unfortunately, wanting something doesn’t mean it’s going to be given to you. This month, this week marks a year of trying. One year filled with hope, sorrow and many, many tears.

I would love to say that I have handled this struggle with patience and unwavering faith but I haven’t. There have been many times when it’s been easier to respond with anger and sadness. This struggle has cut me to the core and brought forth the sins that lay deepest inside my heart –selfishness, pride and my need for control.

Selfishness, because I continually want more. God has given me all that I have asked for and so many blessings that I never even imagined. Yet with all these blessings, I want more. I look at what God has given me and I tell Him, it’s not enough.

Pride, in how I feel that somehow I deserve a child. That I have lived a good life, been a good person, made good decisions and now this gift needs to be granted to me. In my head, I list out all the things I have done that make me worthy to have a baby but my heart knows that no deed, no thought, no amount of human goodness will equal a child.

My need for control…oh this could be a book of it’s own. I plan my life like a time-line and up until now, everything has gone according to my perfectly mapped-out plan. Now, life is not working out exactly the way I planned it. I can’t see the path God has for me and not having control scares me.

The growing awareness of my sin has made me more in awe of God’s grace and goodness. My faith in the Lord has kept me from falling into depression or wallowing in anger. He has provided sweet reminders of His love and goodness throughout this entire year. Whether it’s through the love and support of friends and family or knowledge from doctors and nurses, His peace has covered us. Even the summer rain this morning as I drove to a doctor’s appointment was a reminder of His presence. So we continue to pray, knowing there may be more tears along the way, but we have hope in a God who is faithful and steadfast in love.

Happy 25th

2009-06-07T15:37:00.001-07:00

Today is Craig's 25th birthday, so I thought I would share 25 things that I love about my hubby! Warning -- PDA is displayed :)

I LOVE...
1. that you make the best grilled cheese
2. when you hum along to the radio or a TV commercial without realizing it
3. that you love sports (even though you do cheer for some of the wrong teams)
4. how passionate you are about your job
5. that you are the financially responsible one in the relationship
6. the way your love your family
7. how you talk with your hands when you are really excited about a topic
8. that you let me sing in the car as loud as I want
9. that you are cleaner than me (seriously)
10. the way you to make much of God and not of yourself
11. how your mind figures out the most efficient way of doing anything
12. the way you hold my hand when I'm wearing high heels
13. the way you love my family
14. that you eat Mexican food like a real Mexican
15. that even though I go to bed hours before you, you still tuck me in and kiss me good-night
16. that you teach me about duel dampers and curb adapters
17. how you make drinking Dr. Pepper look so good
18. how you look when you mow the lawn -- so sexy!
19. that you plan for our future
20. that you feign interest in shows like Gilmore Girls because you know I like them
21. how you make history seem so interesting
22. how you make me laugh til I cry
23. your endless supply of patience with me
24. that you always help me with housework
25. the way you selflessly love me

Happy Birthday Babe!

Previously on the Northcutts...

2009-04-21T17:49:00.000-07:00

So not posting a blog since November = pretty sad. My husband constantly asks, "Why do we even have a blog?" Truth is, I like having a blog and aspire to be faithful blogger one day. I keep thinking the blogging bug will just hit me and I will post at least once a week. (Right now, I would just be happy with once a month). In the mean time, I will try to be better about blogging.

Time for a little recap. Let's pretend this like the TV show you faithfully watched and then suddenly lost interest. Now, you are getting back into watching it and need a recap. So previously on The Northcutts:

December 10: Craig's graduation
The day finally arrived! Such a great day seeing my man accomplish this goal.

December 25: Christmas
Spending the holiday with my entire Mexican family. Yes, all Mexican families are this big :)

Craig winning our cookie decorating contest. Yours truly came in 2nd. The Northcutts always bring their A game.

The winning cookie! Someone needs to tell Martha about his amazing talent.

January:
First time in our entire marriage that one of us is not in school!!!

February:
Our house in the making

March:
Our last full month in the apartment!

April 4: Moving Day!

New home-owners

A BIG UPDATE!

2008-11-16T16:40:00.000-08:00

This weekend we signed the papers to start building our first house! We had seen an area in Denton a few months ago that we really liked and last week we decided to go check it out. By Saturday morning we were ready to sign. Here some pics of us making the deal:

Signing our life away :)

There were LOTS of papers to sign!

Putting the SOLD sticker on the map!

Our dirt lot!

This lot is now SOLD!

We are so excited about our new house. We've already picked out cabinets, counter tops and floors. Now it just needs to get built! I'm sure there will be many more posts about our house-in-progress.

First Day of School!

2008-08-27T18:23:00.000-07:00

Bright and VERY EARLY Monday morning, I headed out to Vickery Elementary in Lewisville to start my first day of work. Craig got up early to make my breakfast and pack my lunch -- I almost thought he was going to pull out a camera and take the "first day pic." I'm really enjoying my job and am already loving the kids. Here's are my favorite kid moments from this week:

At lunch on Monday, a second grader asks me what my name is. I tell him, "Mrs. Northcutt" and he says. "Whoa, that's like a direction and ... scissors!"

At the end of the day on Wednesday, I was in the cafeteria helping dismiss kids and I sat down at the kindergarten table to talk to a student. Another little girl looks at me and asks her teacher if "Mrs. Northcutt is waiting for her mommy pick her up, too." Her teacher laughs and says "Does Mrs. Northcutt look like a kindergartner?" The little girl thinks it over and says, "She could be an older one." I guess my anti-aging cream is really working!

I'm sure there will be many more fun moments with my kids!

Summer Lovin'

2008-07-08T19:56:00.000-07:00

Long time no blog! Well, I do have a couple reasons for not updating this sooner.

Reason #1. This summer has been BUSY with lots of weddings, trips and family time.

Reason #2: My computer has lost all my pictures! Well... not lost exactly, just disappeared into the black hole that is my hard drive. It takes forever to hunt down pictures and I haven't had the energy to go digging for something that used to be so easily accessible. I know I could have posted blogs without pics but I tend to have the five-year-old mentality that stories are better when accompanied by pictures.

So, I am posting about the only pictures I have -- the babies I take of! Who doesn't love some cute baby pictures? These pics are from their first birthday party.

Waiting for their cakes and their first time to eat sugar!

Sweet Girl!

Things I love about Laine:
1. She laughs and smiles all the time.
2. She loves to hear songs -- even when I sing them way off key.
3. She eats her food like a polite little lady -- one piece at a time.
4. She bounces up and down when she gets excited.
5. She is the most easy going and laid back baby I've ever taken care of -- she rarely gets upset.

Lil man!

Things I love about Will
1. He likes to make his sister and me laugh.
2. He has this adventurous nature -- he crawls over everything including Laine and me. Nothing gets in his way!
3. He likes to have his bottom patted when he goes to sleep.
4. He crawls up to me and puts his head in my lap.
5. He likes to snuggle when he wakes up from a nap.

Happy Birthday Will and Laine!

No more school -- EVER!!!

2008-05-16T20:50:00.000-07:00

I am finally done with school! No more teachers, no more tests, no more papers! It's a little hard to believe that it's all over and by August, I will join the ranks of other full-time working Americans. For the time being, I am enjoying my summer off. Here are some pics from graduation:

Swimming with floaties

2008-04-18T08:29:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks have been an absolute whirlwind. Everything has been so busy lately. Life has been consumed with tests, projects, work, job hunting -- all thrown at us at once. It's hard to find time to rest and when I do, I lay awake thinking of all I still have left to do. My body is tired and my heart is weary but in my weakness God has shown that He is still there. It's in moments when the pressure of the world is weighing down on you and then something happens to lift you up and give you hope. When you've been treading water for so long and you just don't think you can last much longer -- then He tosses you a floatie to help you stay afloat. Some of our wonderful floaties are:

Our awesome small group: they have sent e-mails filled with encouraging words to help support us as we go through this busy season. Even though we haven't been able to be very involved lately, they let us know they haven't forgotten about us.

My parents, who have had us over for dinner numerous times in the last month. Mom will just call and say she has dinner for us. It's been so nice not to have to cook! Plus nothing is ever as good as Mom's.

Brian Reagan -- the funniest guy ever! We had a wonderful date night at his show and just laughed for two straight hours.

My new job -- well actually two new jobs! This summer I am going to be baby-sitting for the cutest nine month old twins. I met this family at the hospital I am working at now. They needed a sitter and I had nothing planned for the summer so we were a perfect match! I am also the newest employee of Lewisville Independent School District. I went to the job fair last Saturday and they hired me! So I have my first, real official job. I'm so excited and can't wait to start in August.

So, things have been insanely busy but I know it's all coming to an end soon. Once school is over, Craig and I will probably get bored with all our free times. In the mean time, I have been clinging to the floaties in my life, cherishing them because in them, God as reminded me that I am not in this alone.

It's Official!

2008-03-17T13:10:00.000-07:00

I am officially graduating in May!!! I took my huge COMPS test last Friday and needed to pass in order to be allowed to graduate. Friday night I received an e-mail that said I passed! Thanks to everyone who prayed, called and sent messages while I was preparing for my big test!

Tag! I'm it

2008-03-08T17:09:00.000-08:00

I've been tagged by Kristin

Ten years ago...
I was 13 years old and an eighth grader at Briarhill Middle School. I was a proud member of the Briarhill Band and rocked out on my bass clarinet. I had just realized bangs were no longer in style and was desperately trying to grow mine out as fast as possible. I was also sporting an amazing set of braces! Those were not my best years :)

My to-do list today
Wake up late and snuggle in bed with my husband
Make a morning run to Starbucks
Go grocery shopping
Buy computer paper
Go to Jess's baby shower
Finish laundry
Study for my COMPS test (aka Two-years-of-grad-school-mean-nothing-if-you-don't-pass-this test)

What would I do if I suddenly became a billionaire
Buy Craig a new truck and season tickets to the Mavericks
Pay off school loans for my sister and me
Buy my parents new cars and finish remodeling their house
Buy a house
Adopt ten kids
Open a pediatric clinic with speech, physical and occupational therapy for kids without insurance.
Give to the Denton Campus so we could finish renovations
Go shoe shopping

Five jobs I've had
Children's Ministry Intern at Highland Village First Baptist Church (now known as The Village)
Fashion consultant and cash register operator at Old Navy
Clerk at Dry Clean Super Center (Hooray for free dry cleaning!)
Filed papers and typed stuff on the computer at Paradigm Engineering
Resident Assistant at UT
** In two months I will be able to add Speech Pathologist **

Five things people don't know about me
1. I never let my gas go below a quarter of a tank because I have a huge fear of running out of gas. I always check the amount of gas in any car I'm in. So if you ever give me a ride, please fill up your tank :)
2. I stole Barbie clothes from my next door neighbors when I was little. Yes, I've repented and asked for forgiveness.
3. I'm very self conscious about my head size. I never wear my hair in a ponytail because I think it makes my head look bigger. I also make Craig lean forward in pictures so my head won't seem huge compared to his. God just blessed me with a big brain and he had to create a large head to house it. (That's what I tell myself to make me feel better)
4. I strongly believe that one day I will just wake up and no longer be tone deaf.
5. I can't stand anything underneath my nails and constantly pick at them.

Three of my worst habits
1. I drive like a grandma -- always go exactly the speed limit
2. I hate putting my clothes away. Craig will lay my clean clothes out on the bed, hoping that before I go to sleep I will put them away, but I just move them to the dresser or the chair or even the floor of my closet. Today I finally put away last Saturday's clothes.
3. I took sign language in college and sometimes I still sign when I talk.

I think all my blogging buddies have been tagged but if you haven't... you're it!

Snow Day!

2008-03-07T05:12:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Craig and I came home to a Winter Wonderland! We couldn't believe the amount of snow around our apartments.

Who do you think won the snowball fight?

Down but not out

2008-02-11T18:50:00.000-08:00

It's been FOR-EVER since our last blog and I'm sure many of you were wondering if the Northcutts had abandoned the blogging world. But have no fear -- we are back! The last few weeks have just been a little crazy:

Craig started back at school in January and has been working hard to balance his job and school work. Last semester, Craig found out that he would not be allowed to graduate in May. He only had 13 hours left but two of the classes could not be taken simultaneously. It was a big disappointment when we found out he would have to go two more semesters and graduate in December. I know Craig was frustrated and so anxious to be done with school but he kept saying that God is sovereign and He had a reason for allowing this to happen. Well, now we know the reason! Craig is taking two very demanding classes. There is no way he could've handled all 13 hours. At least once a week, one of us mentions how glad we are that his schedule got messed up. I guess Garth Brooks said it best... Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

I started an internship at Our Children's House at Baylor and am working there full time this semester. This had created a change in our home life since I am not at home much anymore. I worried about being able to have job and get everything done around the house but my husband has been INCREDIBLE. He always has dinner ready or at least started, he helps with laundry and doing housework, (He's going to be so embarrassed that I posted this but I felt I just had to brag about him)!

My internship has been a great learning experience and lots of fun and also A LOT of work. I have learned that working full time is not as glamorous as I thought it would be and that college life was pretty good. I leave the house about 6:45 am and don't return until 7 at night, physically exhausted and emotionally drained. It has been a challenge to get use to this schedule but I am learning more than any class or textbook could teach me. My greatest lessons have been about God's grace and the undeserving love He has for me. I have always felt blessed for the things God has given me -- family, friends, a place to live but I have never thanked Him for myself. I now realize that He created a miracle in me. I am grateful for every breath I take because it's breath taken without the assistance of a ventilator. Grateful for every step I take because it's a step without the support of a wheelchair. Grateful for every word I speak because I can say them freely without struggle. The body He created for me is not what I deserve and His love overwhelms me.

So for now, life is crazy, unpredictable and at times, so wonderful!

Happy New Year!

2007-12-31T15:42:00.000-08:00

New Year's Eve will always be a special night for Craig and me. Three years ago tonight, Craig asked me to be his wife. It's a night that I'll never forget and a story that I love to tell. I wish I had pictures of the occasion but I think everyone was too excited to get a camera. The whole event is captured on film but I'm not technology-savvy enough to figure out how to get it on the blog. Plus, I had just donated my hair to locks-of-love and my chubby checks with short hair did not equal a good combination. Anyway, Thanksgiving 2004, Craig and I were at the mall when he asked me if I wanted to look at rings. Trying not to be too presumptuous, I asked, "Rings? What kind of rings?" To my excitement, Craig replied, "engagement rings." Now, Craig and I already been dating for about 3 1/2 years by then and of course the topic of marriage had come up but we were both still in school and dating long distance so I was definitely surprised when he wanted to look at rings, but there was no way I was going to question it! After looking at rings and telling him which ones I liked, I didn't want to push the issue. But I couldn't help getting excited inside -- I mean this had to be it! I remember telling my sister that I just knew Craig would ask me at Christmas. I mean, what guy wants to spend money on an engagement ring and a separate Christmas present? Now, I am by no means a patient person. I was the kid that went searching for Christmas gift early and I spoil surprises because I always try to figure things out. So every time Craig and I talked, I tried to pick up on any clues to when he would ask. One time Craig mentioned he was going out to eat with my dad and I just knew they were going to have "the talk." This may have seemed like a pretty good clue, but Craig and my dad hang out all the time so it was really nothing out of the ordinary. Nevertheless, I was sure it had to mean something. I pictured all these scenerios in my head of how he would ask me. I even practiced acting surprised and saying "yes" in the mirror. Well Christmas came and went, without a proposal. I was so disappointed but I couldn't let Craig know what I had been hoping for. On New Year's Eve, Craig's parents had their usual party at their house and both of our families were there. We started playing Pictionary and Craig went up to draw. He picked up a card and said, "Angela, you should be able to get this one." He started drawing a ring with a diamond and two stick figures. I guessed every engagement-proposal-diamond related word I could think of, never picking up on the hint. My competitive nature was too concerned about winning the game than a marriage proposal. He laughed and said, "I don't think you are going to get it" and then pulled out a ring. I was completed shocked. After weeks of anticipating this moment, he had caught me completely off guard. I was so surprised that I don't even remember every thing he said, just that he asked and I said "YES!"

Once upon a time...

2007-12-19T22:29:00.000-08:00

Last night, I had the privilege of baby-sitting for Maggie and Linley Phillips – two of the sweetest little girls ever! They are such a joy to take care of and being around them reminds me of growing up with my little sister. Well, last night was especially fun. Maggie has this little suitcase full of wonderful girly goodies, like dress-up clothes, necklaces, tiaras, and fancy shoes – everything you need to be a princess! She put on each outfit about three different times and then decided that I also needed a makeover. She combed my hair, painted my toenails (don’t worry – it was with pretend paint) and gave me lots of necklaces and hair bows to put on. Once she was finished, she looked at me and said, “so pretty.” So us two princesses started twirling around the room when a song came on. It was “The Way You Look Tonight” by Tony Bennet. I couldn’t help smiling to myself and thinking that inside every woman is a little girl who wants to put on a fancy dress and twirl around to music. God created a woman’s heart to long to be the princess and He is our Savior, our Prince of Peace and the Ruler of our hearts. So here is to little princesses in all of us – I hope you are all feeling “so pretty!”

New Discovery

2007-11-12T21:21:00.000-08:00

In honor of the first Thanksgiving and the Pilgrims discovering how to cook and live in new land of America, I would like to share my latest discovery. Let me set the scene: Craig and I wandered out from our comfortable homeland and embarked on a journey to a new land, we call Walmart. After a slight delay in the air freshener aisle and a wrong turn by the shampoos, we found what we were searching for... nail clippers. It was then that I discovered there are two kinds of nail clippers -- fingernail clippers and toe nail clippers! I never knew the small clippers were supposed to be used for your fingers. Craig asks, "What in world did you think they were for?" I said, "You know, when your make-up bag is so full and you can't fit the big clippers in there." Craig was surprised and probably a little embarrassed that I had no idea there were two separate clippers.
Now that I seem to be the dullest crayon in the box, I have to give my defense. It makes perfect sense to assume the little clippers were for traveling. I mean there is now a whole aisle at Target devoted to travel-size products. And if we are all perfectly honest, there is no need to have two different nail clippers. The big ones work just as good on your fingers as they do on your toes. It's just one more thing to clutter up the bathroom counter. Enough excuses, I guess I just have to face the facts that I am lacking in street smarts. Well in this case, street smarts = common sense.

The Never-ending Laundry

2007-10-21T19:21:00.000-07:00

During our pre marital counseling sessions, I thought I had learned all about being a good wife -- how to love, respect, honor your husband. I am not perfect at doing all of these but I was ready for them. I felt I had some understanding of what it meant to be a wife. What I was not prepared for was housework! Why wasn't there a chapter about how to get all your housework done? Some of us need a step-by-step guide! By now I am getting better with the cooking and cleaning but getting all the laundry done is such a challenge for me. I mean it's like a 20 step process: sorting clothes, washing, folding, etc. I can usually get the clothes washed and dried but then my system just falls apart. I never get a chance to get everything folded and put away and there’s always the forgotten load left in the dryer. By the time I get around to folding, it’s already time to start another load of laundry! I can’t even imagine the amount of laundry that comes with children. When we have kids, I am going to quit washing and just buy new clothes whenever we run out ☺.

Craig and I also have different views on laundry. My super clean husband wants to start the laundry as soon as the hamper is full. I like to do laundry when I run out of clothes. There are many times when Craig mentions that we should start laundry and I’m like, “What?!? I have at least another week of clothes left!” Never mind that the hamper is piled high and spilling over onto the floor. Craig is also very good about folding and putting his clothes away because apparently if clothes sit out, they get wrinkled. As for me, I figure why put them away if you are just going to wear them again.

So to all the wives out there – is there a secret to this laundry thing? Does the nasty cycle ever end? Or am I going to have to find a really good laundry service?

State Fair Day!

2007-10-13T08:53:00.000-07:00

Last Friday Craig and I escaped school and work and spent the day at the fair. Our schedules have been so busy lately so it was nice to spend some fun time together and the fair was the perfect place. If you know me well, you know that I am a kid at heart and I love the fair. I love everything -- the games, booths, auto shows and of course the FOOD. A corn dog just doesn't taste the same anywhere else like it does at the fair. Luckily, Friday wasn't too crowded and we were able to do everything that we wanted. Here are some pictures from our day o' fun!

Big Tex welcoming us to the fair. Sorry, I haven't figured out how to turn pictures yet.

Our lunch consisted of a baked potato, chili dog and fried green tomatoes. YUM! We had to do a couple laps around the fair to walk it off.

Supporting my team! Hook 'em!

Craig's future career

New Wheels!

2007-09-28T11:32:00.000-07:00

The greatest struggle in our marriage has been our car problems. I think we are seriously jinxed when it comes to cars because all of our cars keep breaking down. My first car, the late and great Ross, had to be put to down about five months into our marriage. We didn't have the money to buy a new car and were greatly blessed when a couple from church just gave us a car. Seriously, Craig just happened to mention our car troubles to someone and the next day we had a FREE car -- talk about amazing blessings from God! So our new car was Buella, a white Buick with the most comfortable leather seats ever! (And yes, I do name all my cars -- it's a Liz and me thing. I guess when you have no kids or pets, the next best thing is cars). Buella and I had it great for a few months and then she started having some serious problems. The ol' girl just couldn't keep going anymore. So a few weeks ago we said good-bye to Buella, traded her in and Craig and I made our first big purchase as a couple -- a new car! So the Northcutts have a new addition to the family ... a little black focus named Chloe. She's named after one of my favorite 24 characters. (If you haven't jumped on the 24 bandwagon, you need to. Craig and I would be happy to lend you ANY of seasons) This is my first brand new car and she comes complete with a 60,000 mile warranty which is great because if something goes wrong -- we don't have to pay for it! We are praying that this will be the end of our car troubles at least until May when we both graduate and I can finally get a job.

Striving to change

2007-09-04T19:28:00.000-07:00

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. -Proverbs 19:21

I have always been a creature of habit. I cling to the familiar and find security in routines. There are many times that I want to be flexible -- I long to be one of those people that just go and do whatever God calls them to do but I shy away from changes. I am your typical type A person. I love my planner and take great delight in my "calendar time" when I can fill it out. I like to look at my calendar and know what is coming up in the month. I have always been a planner. I like knowing what to expect in life. I don't live my life moment to moment; I live it years at a time. I constantly plan five years ahead in my life. Sometimes I don't even know when I am planning ahead. When Craig and I got married, I just instinctively figured out where we would live after we graduated, what our house would look like, when we would have kids, where our kids would go to school, etc. Then Craig felt called to change jobs and go back to work at The Village Church. I was so happy, The Village has been such a big part of our lives and it's where our families were but I couldn't help thinking that this job change would completely change my life plan. We would have to look for somewhere else to live, I would have look for jobs in a new area and what about the schools for our kids? Instead of gladly following God's plan, I was upset that it didn't match up with my plan. Then I realized how much I cling to the life that I dream for myself and how selfish I am for chasing my plan instead of God's. Now that Craig has started his new job, I can see why God had him switch and why we were supposed to leave our other church. Sometimes I can be so blinded to the life that God has in store for me. I am learning that no matter how much I plan, God can change our life at any moment and I have to be willing follow. So every day I pray that God break my "planning spirit" so my life can reflect His purpose.

One Year Anniversary!

2007-07-30T08:28:00.001-07:00

Craig and I celebrated our first anniversary by going to San Antonio for the weekend! After a summer full of school and work stress, this weekend getaway was greatly needed!

Of course we had to see the Alamo, where Craig stopped at every exhibit and read every sign!

In front of one of our favorite Mexican restaurants: La Margarita!

We spent the weekend visting our favorite places: the Alamo, the Riverwalk and the Mexican market. We also spent a lot of time at our favorite mexican restaurants. Craig proved once again that he should have been born a mexican -- the boy can put away fajitas and enchiladas like a champ!
One night we decided that we would have our anniversary dinner on the Riverwalk. We took the boat ride around the river and then just walked hand and hand looking at the beautiful scenery. It was one of those moments when it seems like only the two of you exist. And then all romantic feelings came to a halt when a bird pooped on my head! So I am completely grossed out and Craig is doubled over laughing. Finally he stops laughing long enough to get the Kleenex out of his pocket and wipe my head. Believe me, there is nothing more romantic than having your husband clean the bird poop out of your hair. Once we finished laughing about this, we decided to get some ice cream for dessert. As we are standing in line, Craig suddenly jumps out and holds his hand against his nose -- oh great it's a nosebleed! Turns out he had those Kleenexes in his pocket because he was worried about his nose bleeding. Since he used all the Kleenex to wipe my head, we had to run to the nearest bathroom. So our romantic anniversary dinner turned out to be not so romantic As we were driving back to the hotel and laughing about our crazy night, I couldn't help thinking that this is what marriage is supposed to be like. Sure, the loving, romantic moments are great but marriage isn't always about the perfect times. It is about the unpredictable, unplanned and unexpected. Life is full of bird poop and nosebleeds and marriage is about having someone to go through those hard times with you. So while I am thankful for having a husband who plans romantic anniversary getaways, I am even more thankful to have a husband who wipes bird poop out of my hair -- that's true love.

Elizabeth in Espana

2007-07-12T16:48:00.000-07:00

So our first official blog will be devoted to our sister Elizabeth who is spending the month is Spain. Liz has been sharing these photos with us and we wanted to share them with everyone.

Here come the Northcutts

2007-07-12T16:30:00.001-07:00

So after thinking and talking about a blog -- here it is. Neither one of us is very good at returning phone calls and emails so we wanted a way to keep our family updated with all of our news. This was the answer. So please enjoy our life -- we are so glad that we could share it with you.