Here we go again...

We are excited to share with you all that we have started the adoption process for baby #2!

Many of you prayed for us while we went through the process the first time and rejoiced with us when we brought Jaxon home. Only a few months after Jaxon’s adoption, people started asking if we would adopt again. At that time, we honestly were not sure. We felt God’s guidance through each step of our first adoption – leading us to open adoption and to our agency. We felt His direction through it all and we wanted Him to direct our steps through any future children. We’ve continued to pray for more children, even asking God to allow me to become pregnant, and once again we feel Him leading us to adoption.

We have had our initial meeting with the agency and began the mountain of paperwork. We will attend a training the first week of December and have already started planning fundraisers. At this time, we would covet your prayers over this adoption.

We would specifically love prayer for:

• Through each step we place our trust and hope in the Lord. We experienced the loss of a child through our first adoption, so there is some anxiousness with beginning again.
• Jaxon as we are walking him through this process. It has been a beautiful way to talk about how God brought our family together.
• Our future baby and the birthparents. That through whatever circumstances led them to consider adoption, the Lord would provide peace and comfort to their hearts as they make that decision.

Where the Wild Things Are Birthday Party: Sources, Links and {hopefully some} Inspiration

My child has finally started napping again and this momma is crying tears of joy! Thirty minute cat-naps were not working for either of us so thankfully he's getting back on track. I hope, I really REALLY hope. So I'm getting in some much needed quiet time and updating the blog with some easy party decorations. I used these at J's birthday party and many have made their way around Pinterest.

The most popular project (according to Pinterest re-pins) was this:

We took a photo of J each month next to a chalk board with his weight, length and fun milestones he reached that month. Here's one from the month J's adoption was finalized. It's my favorite pose and also shows a mom-fail because I forgot to write in his length. I also didn't notice I forgot until the next month. Pretty sure I was sleep deprived back then {and still am}.

I got the idea for this frame from my sweet friend Lindsey, who is so talented. She also loves to share her crafting ideas and posted the frame how-to here. We keep our frame up all year to hang up Christmas or birthday cards, J's "artwork," invitations, etc.

Project #2 was inspired by this hand stamped tree slice from Jones Design Company.

I purchased the tree slices from Michael's {you can also get it here}. Then I cut out quotes from the book in vinyl using my Cricut. You could also use pre-cut stickers from Michael's or Hobby Lobby. I added a pictures from the book and then Mod Podged over it to keep it from peeling off. Simple and cheap!

My sister helped with project #3: Chalkboard designs. I gave her quotes from the book or fun sayings and she used her talent and fancy Kindergarten-teacher-handwriting-skills:

Cutting out pictures from a book was the best and easiest decoration idea {My apologies for cutting up your work, Mr. Sendak}. I was able to embellish Chalkboards, a window pane and the tree slices with pictures. I also cut out characters to hang from twine over our entertainment center.

Here are some other sources for other decorations we used.

1. Wooden chargers for cakes: World Market
2. Plush Where the Wild Things Are dolls: They are made by Crocodile Creek but are difficult to find. I purchased Max from Barnes and Noble in Dallas {it is not sold online}. I purchased two of the wild things from Eggemeyer's General Store in San Angelo, TX. I paid about $15 each but online they are more expensive {Amazon}.
3. Arrow chalkboard sign: from BHLDN
4. Painted rocking chair: a gift from my friend Patty. You can message her through Facebook to order one. She can customize one to fit any decor or party theme.
5. Max costume: Party City
6. First birthday pictures: Krysta Rathbun Photography

This party theme was simple and fun. Enjoy throwing your own Wild Rumpus!

Celebrating our wild thing

J's birthday was 2 months ago and I am just now getting around to blogging about. This is proof that time is literally going by too fast for me. I can't believe my baby is now 14 months old. We are doing all we can to hang onto these sweet moments with our little one and his birthday party was one of the best events so far.



Planning a birthday party is not easy. Planning a party that fell between holidays, while family was in town and when my son and I both had the stomach flu -- that felt impossible. Thankfully there are a few things I learned that helped make party planning a little bit easier.

1. Pick a theme in advance.
I think I had the Where the Wild Things Are theme in mind before J was even born. A few years ago I saw this post from Hostess with the Mostess and loved the party idea. Having a theme early helped with shopping. I was able to purchase items months in advance so I didn't have to stress about getting everything right before the party. It also helped spread out the cost over a few months, instead of one big amount all at once (the hubs really appreciated this).

2. Give yourself some alone time.
Since I had to make a lot of decorations for the party, I knew it couldn't be done with the little man in the house. My husband graciously took him out of the house for "guy time" at Bass Pro Shop. They had fun ogling at hunting and fishing gear while I got hours alone with my sewing machine and hot glue gun. *bliss*

3. Ask for help.
When I started planning, I had this grand idea that I wasn't going to ask our parents for help. They have been a huge source of support this year and I wanted them to just enjoy the party and not lift a finger. Ha! I still laugh at my naive self. If we couldn't get through our first year as parents without them, why in the world did I think we'd get through a first birthday party without them?

I needed help, I asked and of course our family stepped up. Our brothers and sisters spent a LONG night making decorations and setting up for the party.

They also managed to get in a few snuggles with the birthday boy.

And our moms were the biggest help. Craig's mom helped indecisive me pick out cake flavors. She kept J while I ran party errands. Then picked up the cake and delivered it to our house in time for the party. My mom is generous with all things: her time, money and talent and in helping me with this party, she provided all those things. She doesn't even wait for me to ask her for help, she sees a need and just jumps in. We couldn't have pulled a party off without these two ladies.

4. Have an after-party celebration
When the guests have gone, presents are strewn around the living room and your little party animal is tucked in bed, celebrate with your husband. Craig and I popped open a bottle of wine, put our feet up and talked about the day and the last year. Give thanks and celebrate because not only did God give your little one their first year of life, he also gave you all you needed as parents to get through this first year.

We are pretty crazy about this little one.

If you want to host your own wild rumpus, I will post more pictures of the decorations and links to products in another blog post. Hopefully it won't take me another two months to write ;)

Jaxon's Nursery

When Craig and I moved into our house, we knew immediately which room we wanted for a nursery. It wasn't long after we moved that we started trying for a child. This room sat empty for a long time. After a few years we decorated it as a guest room just because it hurt so much seeing an empty room everyday. I'd often go into the room and pray, asking God to fill this room with a child.

And fill it, he did! It's amazing how a little one so quickly fills your house and your heart. It's no surprise that J's nursery is my current favorite room in the house. I love the soft neutrals with pops of color and texture and a rustic feel. Creating J's nursery was so much fun and it's filled with gifts from family which makes it even more special. There are also a lot of DIY projects in the room. My parents, sis and bro-in-law were kind enough to spend an entire Saturday painting, sewing and staining and I love the hand-made touches in the room.

Please excuse my amateur photography skills. I took the photos with my iPhone so the quality isn't the best.  I also have to add a disclaimer that the room does not always look this neat -- I spruced it up before pictures.

Welcome to Jaxon's room

My favorite thing in the room is the wood wall Craig made out of wood from his great-grandparents old house.

I had originally wanted to pay someone for their chalkboard writing skills or try a chalk transfer method with a pretty font but just didn't have the time. Now that little J is reaching up and touching everything with his wet slobbery hands, I'm pretty glad I just hand-wrote the verse. There have been lots of touch-ups.

The crates are filled with special things. A bear that Craig ordered while we were waiting and before we even knew about J. A framed deer onesie that J wore to his sip-n-see. A bear from the Lubbock court house from J's adoption day. It's the bear he "adopted" that day. The Willow Tree figurine is a gift from the hospital in Lubbock where Jax was born. Craig surprised me with it after we got home.

This dresser was Craig's growing up and we sanded and re-painted it years ago. Little secret --  I actually went with turquoise pops of color because I didn't want to buy new knobs for the dresser. If you look closely, you can see a bat signal nightlight in the corner :)

The turquoise frame has prayer cards written by family and friends at our sip-n-see. It also has a cards from J's adoption day. The frame on the left normally has picture of us with J's birth mom but out of respect for her privacy, I slipped in a birth announcement photo.

Just like the wood wall, J's barrel for laundry is also from the Northcutt farm. The sign above the closet doors says "For this child we prayed" and was purchased by my mother-in-law while we were going through fertility treatments. The back has signatures from family and friends that lifted us in prayer over the years of waiting.

This shadow box was mine as a child and is filled with some of the same trinkets. There are some fun new additions, too.

And the sweet boy who has filled this room and our lives with so much joy!

I love when people post where they found their nursery items, so in case you were wondering:

- Paint color: Dormer Brown by Sherwin Williams (It didn't come out well in pics but it's a gray-brown color) My parents had the room painted for us because I'm awful at painting.
- Crib and changer: Jenny Linde purchased from Amazon. A gift from Craig's dad and step-mom
-Rocker: from Gigglebrush designs in McKinney, TX. A gift from Craig's mom and step-dad
-Ottoman: purchased from a consignment shop in Lewisville. Repainted with Annie Sloan pure white chalk paint + dark wax and recovered with new fabric.
- Ottoman fabric and crib bumpers: Balboa ikat print from Ballard Designs
- Turquoise nightstand, deer pillows, wire baskets: purchased in Canton (many from my sweet sis-in-law)
- Lamp + shade and crib sheet: Target
- Diaper pail: Diaper Genie Elite by Playtex. Not fashionable at all but necessary! And does it's job very well.
-Batman nightlight, metal "J" on door and rug: Pottery Barn Kids
-Card board deer head: Red (fun shop in Fredericksburg, Tx)
-Love You More pillow, metal "J" and "N" on the wall are from little shops in downtown Mckinney. I don't remember the names but just go there. It's such as fun place to find treasures.
-Curtain rod: plumber piping from Home Depot
-Dresser: painted with Annie Sloan pure white chalk paint
-Dresser knobs: Anthropologie
-Cute little boy: a beautiful gift from God

My hopes and prayers for my son

This post is long overdue – about five months overdue. I have wanted to write this update for some time but it’s been difficult. First of all there hasn’t been much time in front of the computer. Most of my time is spent in front of the cutest baby boy -- my baby boy, my son. Even seeing those words on the screen brings tears to my eyes. We have a son!

It’s also been difficult to know what to share. My heart is completely overwhelmed when I look back on what the Lord has done over the last few months. There is so much I want to tell, so many details to share, but ultimately this is Jaxon’s story to tell when he’s ready, and I want to honor that.

This week I get to celebrate my first Mother’s Day – a day I have waited years to celebrate. As I thank God for His perfect timing and gift of my son, my mind is brought to Jaxon’s other mother – his birthmother. This woman loves my son every bit as much as I do. She loved him by choosing to give him life when this broken world offered her another alternative. She loved him when she chose to give him more in this life, more than she could offer. She loved him when she chose us to raise him and placed him in my arms. This woman loved Jaxon enough to build a relationship with us and allowed us to be a part of his life even before he was born. She cared for us enough to let us be with him in the hospital and build precious memories from the very beginning of his life.

My prayer is that Jaxon will grow to know and love his birthmother. That he will see the beauty in his birth and adoption story. I know the Lord planned for her to carry him just as He planned for us to raise him. He beautifully knit Jaxon in her womb and with same love, He knit our families together when she chose us to be his mom and dad. My hope is that Jaxon will know how deeply his birthmother loves him, how she sacrificed her body so he could be here and how she gave this mom the most beautiful gift.

Jaxon’s story so beautifully mirrors another relationship between another parent – a Heavenly Father. One who loves His children perfectly and so deeply that He sacrificed His son so that we could have life with Him. I pray that my son knows how deeply loved he is by his earthly parents but ultimately by his Heavenly Father and that the Lord would open his eyes and heart to a love so pure and perfect.

Jaxon Craig – you are such a blessing. Being your mama is a joy!

Six Weeks

Six weeks ago, Craig and I made a visit to the hospital to meet a beautiful baby girl. We held this precious baby, fed her, watched her sigh in her sleep. I think of this little one often because six weeks ago, I thought we were going to bring her home. I thought I was going to be her mom.

Earlier that week, we received a much anticipated phone call from our adoption agency saying an expecting couple wanted to meet with us. We sat through a meeting full of nerves and excitement talking with this couple, each of us weighing the possibility of this adoption. The next day brought joyous news: they wanted to move forward with adoption and the baby was on the way. We started preparing the nursery and discussing baby names. We stood in the middle of Babies “R” Us with our parents, completely overwhelmed but crying tears of happiness.  I registered for as many pink things as Craig would allow – all knowing that at any chance this couple could change their minds. Then we spent that memorable day at the hospital holding a baby we thought could be our daughter. We left the hospital with a sense of uneasiness and that night our fear was confirmed -- the adoption wasn’t going to take place.

It was week filled with such joy yet ended in heartbreaking sadness. Though we know this was not the child planned for our family and this baby is exactly where God intended her, it didn’t make the loss any easier. During this time, we were loved well by our family, friends and agency workers but the most comforting presence was God’s steadfast love. Through every step, He made His presence known. He provided strength when we needed it, comfort when we hurt and when our arms were left empty He provided hope. My heart is closer to Him because of this situation and for that I am grateful.

Six weeks ago, I didn’t think I was strong enough to walk through this but because of Him, I am. His steadfast love continues to be a comforting balm to our hurting hearts. While there is still pain and tears, one constant remains: God is good and His loves endures through all things.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end,

They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul,

Therefore I will hope in Him. Lamentations 3:22-26

Confession

Most of this blog has been about what God has done through our longing for a child. But I don’t ever want to present an image that now I’m dealing with this perfectly – that I’ve figured out how to deal with sadness and hurt and no longer struggle with the same sins. To be honest, I constantly battle with the sins of anger and fear and many times, I fail.

The holiday season continues to be a difficult time for me. While my longing for a child is always there, the holiday season seems to magnify that longing and the absence of a child from our home. I find myself anxious about the upcoming holiday season; fearful to face another season not being parents and an irritable attitude starts to grow in me. A big part of me wants the season to rush by and for January to be here. There’s a part of me that doesn’t feel up to all of the holiday hoop-la and times when I feel like I can’t handle another holiday season.

One of my biggest difficulties has been how I deal with sadness and hurt in the right way. It’s so easy for that sadness to turn into bitterness, irritation and worry. For a while I thought I couldn’t be sad. If I felt sad, that meant I thought a child was more important than God. So I tried to buck up, put on a smile and pretend that I was okay with it all. That only resulted in a more bitter and irritable person behind that smile. I’ve learned it’s okay to be sad and feel pain. It’s okay to cry and hurt because sometimes that’s when we feel God’s presence the most. My most vulnerable moments are the times I realize just how much I’m in need of a Savior. During this time, I have to check my heart and remember that the holidays are not about food, presents or even family. Those are wonderful blessings God gives us to enjoy but they’re not the meaning of the holiday season. God gives us celebrations to mirror the celebration that will take place once we are reunited with our Heavenly Father. I need to hold tight to the truth that while I don’t have child, I do have a Savior – one who is faithful and loving. When I revel in who God is and all that He has done, I am filled with hope and joy. I have a Savior, deserving of praise and worship through this season and every day.

“In this life I will stand
Though my joy and my pain
Knowing there’s a greater day
There’s a hope that never fails
When Your name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I’m believing for the day”
You hold me now ~ Hillsong