Here we go again...

We are excited to share with you all that we have started the adoption process for baby #2!

Many of you prayed for us while we went through the process the first time and rejoiced with us when we brought Jaxon home. Only a few months after Jaxon’s adoption, people started asking if we would adopt again. At that time, we honestly were not sure. We felt God’s guidance through each step of our first adoption – leading us to open adoption and to our agency. We felt His direction through it all and we wanted Him to direct our steps through any future children. We’ve continued to pray for more children, even asking God to allow me to become pregnant, and once again we feel Him leading us to adoption.

We have had our initial meeting with the agency and began the mountain of paperwork. We will attend a training the first week of December and have already started planning fundraisers. At this time, we would covet your prayers over this adoption.

We would specifically love prayer for:

• Through each step we place our trust and hope in the Lord. We experienced the loss of a child through our first adoption, so there is some anxiousness with beginning again.
• Jaxon as we are walking him through this process. It has been a beautiful way to talk about how God brought our family together.
• Our future baby and the birthparents. That through whatever circumstances led them to consider adoption, the Lord would provide peace and comfort to their hearts as they make that decision.

Where the Wild Things Are Birthday Party: Sources, Links and {hopefully some} Inspiration

My child has finally started napping again and this momma is crying tears of joy! Thirty minute cat-naps were not working for either of us so thankfully he's getting back on track. I hope, I really REALLY hope. So I'm getting in some much needed quiet time and updating the blog with some easy party decorations. I used these at J's birthday party and many have made their way around Pinterest.

The most popular project (according to Pinterest re-pins) was this:

We took a photo of J each month next to a chalk board with his weight, length and fun milestones he reached that month. Here's one from the month J's adoption was finalized. It's my favorite pose and also shows a mom-fail because I forgot to write in his length. I also didn't notice I forgot until the next month. Pretty sure I was sleep deprived back then {and still am}.

I got the idea for this frame from my sweet friend Lindsey, who is so talented. She also loves to share her crafting ideas and posted the frame how-to here. We keep our frame up all year to hang up Christmas or birthday cards, J's "artwork," invitations, etc.

Project #2 was inspired by this hand stamped tree slice from Jones Design Company.

I purchased the tree slices from Michael's {you can also get it here}. Then I cut out quotes from the book in vinyl using my Cricut. You could also use pre-cut stickers from Michael's or Hobby Lobby. I added a pictures from the book and then Mod Podged over it to keep it from peeling off. Simple and cheap!

My sister helped with project #3: Chalkboard designs. I gave her quotes from the book or fun sayings and she used her talent and fancy Kindergarten-teacher-handwriting-skills:

Cutting out pictures from a book was the best and easiest decoration idea {My apologies for cutting up your work, Mr. Sendak}. I was able to embellish Chalkboards, a window pane and the tree slices with pictures. I also cut out characters to hang from twine over our entertainment center.

Here are some other sources for other decorations we used.

1. Wooden chargers for cakes: World Market
2. Plush Where the Wild Things Are dolls: They are made by Crocodile Creek but are difficult to find. I purchased Max from Barnes and Noble in Dallas {it is not sold online}. I purchased two of the wild things from Eggemeyer's General Store in San Angelo, TX. I paid about $15 each but online they are more expensive {Amazon}.
3. Arrow chalkboard sign: from BHLDN
4. Painted rocking chair: a gift from my friend Patty. You can message her through Facebook to order one. She can customize one to fit any decor or party theme.
5. Max costume: Party City
6. First birthday pictures: Krysta Rathbun Photography

This party theme was simple and fun. Enjoy throwing your own Wild Rumpus!

Celebrating our wild thing

J's birthday was 2 months ago and I am just now getting around to blogging about. This is proof that time is literally going by too fast for me. I can't believe my baby is now 14 months old. We are doing all we can to hang onto these sweet moments with our little one and his birthday party was one of the best events so far.



Planning a birthday party is not easy. Planning a party that fell between holidays, while family was in town and when my son and I both had the stomach flu -- that felt impossible. Thankfully there are a few things I learned that helped make party planning a little bit easier.

1. Pick a theme in advance.
I think I had the Where the Wild Things Are theme in mind before J was even born. A few years ago I saw this post from Hostess with the Mostess and loved the party idea. Having a theme early helped with shopping. I was able to purchase items months in advance so I didn't have to stress about getting everything right before the party. It also helped spread out the cost over a few months, instead of one big amount all at once (the hubs really appreciated this).

2. Give yourself some alone time.
Since I had to make a lot of decorations for the party, I knew it couldn't be done with the little man in the house. My husband graciously took him out of the house for "guy time" at Bass Pro Shop. They had fun ogling at hunting and fishing gear while I got hours alone with my sewing machine and hot glue gun. *bliss*

3. Ask for help.
When I started planning, I had this grand idea that I wasn't going to ask our parents for help. They have been a huge source of support this year and I wanted them to just enjoy the party and not lift a finger. Ha! I still laugh at my naive self. If we couldn't get through our first year as parents without them, why in the world did I think we'd get through a first birthday party without them?

I needed help, I asked and of course our family stepped up. Our brothers and sisters spent a LONG night making decorations and setting up for the party.

They also managed to get in a few snuggles with the birthday boy.

And our moms were the biggest help. Craig's mom helped indecisive me pick out cake flavors. She kept J while I ran party errands. Then picked up the cake and delivered it to our house in time for the party. My mom is generous with all things: her time, money and talent and in helping me with this party, she provided all those things. She doesn't even wait for me to ask her for help, she sees a need and just jumps in. We couldn't have pulled a party off without these two ladies.

4. Have an after-party celebration
When the guests have gone, presents are strewn around the living room and your little party animal is tucked in bed, celebrate with your husband. Craig and I popped open a bottle of wine, put our feet up and talked about the day and the last year. Give thanks and celebrate because not only did God give your little one their first year of life, he also gave you all you needed as parents to get through this first year.

We are pretty crazy about this little one.

If you want to host your own wild rumpus, I will post more pictures of the decorations and links to products in another blog post. Hopefully it won't take me another two months to write ;)

Jaxon's Nursery

When Craig and I moved into our house, we knew immediately which room we wanted for a nursery. It wasn't long after we moved that we started trying for a child. This room sat empty for a long time. After a few years we decorated it as a guest room just because it hurt so much seeing an empty room everyday. I'd often go into the room and pray, asking God to fill this room with a child.

And fill it, he did! It's amazing how a little one so quickly fills your house and your heart. It's no surprise that J's nursery is my current favorite room in the house. I love the soft neutrals with pops of color and texture and a rustic feel. Creating J's nursery was so much fun and it's filled with gifts from family which makes it even more special. There are also a lot of DIY projects in the room. My parents, sis and bro-in-law were kind enough to spend an entire Saturday painting, sewing and staining and I love the hand-made touches in the room.

Please excuse my amateur photography skills. I took the photos with my iPhone so the quality isn't the best.  I also have to add a disclaimer that the room does not always look this neat -- I spruced it up before pictures.

Welcome to Jaxon's room

My favorite thing in the room is the wood wall Craig made out of wood from his great-grandparents old house.

I had originally wanted to pay someone for their chalkboard writing skills or try a chalk transfer method with a pretty font but just didn't have the time. Now that little J is reaching up and touching everything with his wet slobbery hands, I'm pretty glad I just hand-wrote the verse. There have been lots of touch-ups.

The crates are filled with special things. A bear that Craig ordered while we were waiting and before we even knew about J. A framed deer onesie that J wore to his sip-n-see. A bear from the Lubbock court house from J's adoption day. It's the bear he "adopted" that day. The Willow Tree figurine is a gift from the hospital in Lubbock where Jax was born. Craig surprised me with it after we got home.

This dresser was Craig's growing up and we sanded and re-painted it years ago. Little secret --  I actually went with turquoise pops of color because I didn't want to buy new knobs for the dresser. If you look closely, you can see a bat signal nightlight in the corner :)

The turquoise frame has prayer cards written by family and friends at our sip-n-see. It also has a cards from J's adoption day. The frame on the left normally has picture of us with J's birth mom but out of respect for her privacy, I slipped in a birth announcement photo.

Just like the wood wall, J's barrel for laundry is also from the Northcutt farm. The sign above the closet doors says "For this child we prayed" and was purchased by my mother-in-law while we were going through fertility treatments. The back has signatures from family and friends that lifted us in prayer over the years of waiting.

This shadow box was mine as a child and is filled with some of the same trinkets. There are some fun new additions, too.

And the sweet boy who has filled this room and our lives with so much joy!

I love when people post where they found their nursery items, so in case you were wondering:

- Paint color: Dormer Brown by Sherwin Williams (It didn't come out well in pics but it's a gray-brown color) My parents had the room painted for us because I'm awful at painting.
- Crib and changer: Jenny Linde purchased from Amazon. A gift from Craig's dad and step-mom
-Rocker: from Gigglebrush designs in McKinney, TX. A gift from Craig's mom and step-dad
-Ottoman: purchased from a consignment shop in Lewisville. Repainted with Annie Sloan pure white chalk paint + dark wax and recovered with new fabric.
- Ottoman fabric and crib bumpers: Balboa ikat print from Ballard Designs
- Turquoise nightstand, deer pillows, wire baskets: purchased in Canton (many from my sweet sis-in-law)
- Lamp + shade and crib sheet: Target
- Diaper pail: Diaper Genie Elite by Playtex. Not fashionable at all but necessary! And does it's job very well.
-Batman nightlight, metal "J" on door and rug: Pottery Barn Kids
-Card board deer head: Red (fun shop in Fredericksburg, Tx)
-Love You More pillow, metal "J" and "N" on the wall are from little shops in downtown Mckinney. I don't remember the names but just go there. It's such as fun place to find treasures.
-Curtain rod: plumber piping from Home Depot
-Dresser: painted with Annie Sloan pure white chalk paint
-Dresser knobs: Anthropologie
-Cute little boy: a beautiful gift from God

My hopes and prayers for my son

This post is long overdue – about five months overdue. I have wanted to write this update for some time but it’s been difficult. First of all there hasn’t been much time in front of the computer. Most of my time is spent in front of the cutest baby boy -- my baby boy, my son. Even seeing those words on the screen brings tears to my eyes. We have a son!

It’s also been difficult to know what to share. My heart is completely overwhelmed when I look back on what the Lord has done over the last few months. There is so much I want to tell, so many details to share, but ultimately this is Jaxon’s story to tell when he’s ready, and I want to honor that.

This week I get to celebrate my first Mother’s Day – a day I have waited years to celebrate. As I thank God for His perfect timing and gift of my son, my mind is brought to Jaxon’s other mother – his birthmother. This woman loves my son every bit as much as I do. She loved him by choosing to give him life when this broken world offered her another alternative. She loved him when she chose to give him more in this life, more than she could offer. She loved him when she chose us to raise him and placed him in my arms. This woman loved Jaxon enough to build a relationship with us and allowed us to be a part of his life even before he was born. She cared for us enough to let us be with him in the hospital and build precious memories from the very beginning of his life.

My prayer is that Jaxon will grow to know and love his birthmother. That he will see the beauty in his birth and adoption story. I know the Lord planned for her to carry him just as He planned for us to raise him. He beautifully knit Jaxon in her womb and with same love, He knit our families together when she chose us to be his mom and dad. My hope is that Jaxon will know how deeply his birthmother loves him, how she sacrificed her body so he could be here and how she gave this mom the most beautiful gift.

Jaxon’s story so beautifully mirrors another relationship between another parent – a Heavenly Father. One who loves His children perfectly and so deeply that He sacrificed His son so that we could have life with Him. I pray that my son knows how deeply loved he is by his earthly parents but ultimately by his Heavenly Father and that the Lord would open his eyes and heart to a love so pure and perfect.

Jaxon Craig – you are such a blessing. Being your mama is a joy!

Six Weeks

Six weeks ago, Craig and I made a visit to the hospital to meet a beautiful baby girl. We held this precious baby, fed her, watched her sigh in her sleep. I think of this little one often because six weeks ago, I thought we were going to bring her home. I thought I was going to be her mom.

Earlier that week, we received a much anticipated phone call from our adoption agency saying an expecting couple wanted to meet with us. We sat through a meeting full of nerves and excitement talking with this couple, each of us weighing the possibility of this adoption. The next day brought joyous news: they wanted to move forward with adoption and the baby was on the way. We started preparing the nursery and discussing baby names. We stood in the middle of Babies “R” Us with our parents, completely overwhelmed but crying tears of happiness.  I registered for as many pink things as Craig would allow – all knowing that at any chance this couple could change their minds. Then we spent that memorable day at the hospital holding a baby we thought could be our daughter. We left the hospital with a sense of uneasiness and that night our fear was confirmed -- the adoption wasn’t going to take place.

It was week filled with such joy yet ended in heartbreaking sadness. Though we know this was not the child planned for our family and this baby is exactly where God intended her, it didn’t make the loss any easier. During this time, we were loved well by our family, friends and agency workers but the most comforting presence was God’s steadfast love. Through every step, He made His presence known. He provided strength when we needed it, comfort when we hurt and when our arms were left empty He provided hope. My heart is closer to Him because of this situation and for that I am grateful.

Six weeks ago, I didn’t think I was strong enough to walk through this but because of Him, I am. His steadfast love continues to be a comforting balm to our hurting hearts. While there is still pain and tears, one constant remains: God is good and His loves endures through all things.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end,

They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul,

Therefore I will hope in Him. Lamentations 3:22-26

Confession

Most of this blog has been about what God has done through our longing for a child. But I don’t ever want to present an image that now I’m dealing with this perfectly – that I’ve figured out how to deal with sadness and hurt and no longer struggle with the same sins. To be honest, I constantly battle with the sins of anger and fear and many times, I fail.

The holiday season continues to be a difficult time for me. While my longing for a child is always there, the holiday season seems to magnify that longing and the absence of a child from our home. I find myself anxious about the upcoming holiday season; fearful to face another season not being parents and an irritable attitude starts to grow in me. A big part of me wants the season to rush by and for January to be here. There’s a part of me that doesn’t feel up to all of the holiday hoop-la and times when I feel like I can’t handle another holiday season.

One of my biggest difficulties has been how I deal with sadness and hurt in the right way. It’s so easy for that sadness to turn into bitterness, irritation and worry. For a while I thought I couldn’t be sad. If I felt sad, that meant I thought a child was more important than God. So I tried to buck up, put on a smile and pretend that I was okay with it all. That only resulted in a more bitter and irritable person behind that smile. I’ve learned it’s okay to be sad and feel pain. It’s okay to cry and hurt because sometimes that’s when we feel God’s presence the most. My most vulnerable moments are the times I realize just how much I’m in need of a Savior. During this time, I have to check my heart and remember that the holidays are not about food, presents or even family. Those are wonderful blessings God gives us to enjoy but they’re not the meaning of the holiday season. God gives us celebrations to mirror the celebration that will take place once we are reunited with our Heavenly Father. I need to hold tight to the truth that while I don’t have child, I do have a Savior – one who is faithful and loving. When I revel in who God is and all that He has done, I am filled with hope and joy. I have a Savior, deserving of praise and worship through this season and every day.

“In this life I will stand
Though my joy and my pain
Knowing there’s a greater day
There’s a hope that never fails
When Your name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I’m believing for the day”
You hold me now ~ Hillsong

Sweet Sis

Meet my little sister, Elizabeth. There is something unique and special about being sisters. We’ve shared bedrooms, clothes, secrets and the same faith in Christ. My sister is an encourager, a person who sees the very best in you. Because of her graciousness, there are things only she can tell me. Growing up, Liz could share the same advice as my parents but for some reason, the words sounded different coming from her (Sorry mom and dad). There isn’t anything about my life my sister doesn’t know and in my longing for a child, she has seen my best and my very worst.

During a time that bitterness and anger had settled in my heart, I couldn’t talk about our struggle without those feelings creeping up. Liz began to ask me a question:
“Why do you think God has you going through this?”

It was a question I didn’t want to think about and certainly didn’t want to answer. Answering that question, meant having to deal with my sin – to look at my life and see what God was trying to show me about myself and about Him. It meant dealing with the sins of entitlement – feeling that I deserved to be a mom, jealousy – for others who were able to get pregnant and control – wanting my plan, my way. So I avoided the question, angrily telling Liz that I just didn’t know. For awhile, it was easier to sit in anger. Easier to pout and think, “It’s not fair” that we have go through this. Conversation after conversation, Liz would listen to me, she would encourage and love me, but then she would continue to ask that question and continue to point me to Christ.

The Lord used Liz to help me deal with the ugliness of sin and see the goodness that only comes from God. He used her words, her encouragement and kind heart to push me to Him. He used her as a tool to help me realize that being a mom and having a child won’t satisfy me. In the end, only Christ is all and He is enough.

My sweet sis turned 25 yesterday. During our phone conversation, she said, “I feel like I should be more grown-up, more adult now.” Oh sister, you are wise beyond your years. I’m thankful everyday for your love, friendship and faithfulness.

I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me. Psalm 13:5-6

Choosing Hope

Over the last few days, Craig and I had the joy of spending time with our brother and sister-in-law and their 3 precious boys. It was a packed weekend full of swimming, pictures, laughter and great memories. During this time, I had the chance to spend some one-on-one time with my oldest nephew, Dawson. I was prepared for a conversation about school, toys and cartoons but I had not expected Dawson to ask me about adoption. We talked about what adoption meant and he asked me mature questions, like “Did I want a boy or girl?” and “Was I ready to be a parent?” Then my almost-nine-year-old nephew gave me some parenting advice, wisely telling me that I needed to be ready for little sleep and that Craig would need to be prepared to help out. He even suggested we take turns at night and give each other time to sleep. Dawson said when the time came; he would show us how to change a diaper.

During this struggle with infertility, I have straddled the line between hope and disappointment. I’m hopeful for the chance to be a mom and to raise kids one day but one foot is firmly planted in fear prepared to handle the sting of disappointment and hurt if that doesn’t happen. But moments and conversations like the one with Dawson help me loosen that hold I have on fear. So as we move forward with adoption I’m working on planting both feet in hope. Hoping that one day I will have sleepless nights and need diaper-changing lessons. My prayer today is that I will have sweet moments like this with my children and that those children will get to know their smart, funny and precious cousin.

There is Greater Joy to Come

Today is an exciting day for us. This afternoon we will attend an adoption seminar – our first step in the process of adoption. We are excited at what God will do in the process and overjoyed at what He has already done.

Adoption is always something we have considered, even before we were married. We both had a heart for orphans and had talked about the possibility of bringing a child into our home. When we faced the struggle of infertility and unsuccessful medical procedures, we felt God leading us to pursue adoption now. The world of adoption of has been loving and open. Families have shared their stories and their hearts to proclaim how God brought them together. Friends and co-workers have come forward to offer advice, support and prayers. It was a sweet way of God showing us that we weren’t alone during this time.

Adoption has also been challenging. It took some time and some wrong turns to find an agency that had the program we were looking for. Then came paperwork and waiting to hear if we were selected by the agency. After three weeks of waiting, we found out they couldn’t accept us at this time. The agency had too many applications and too many families on the list. It was an emotionally crushing time. We spent lots of time in prayer, crying out to God and asking why He would lead us down the road of adoption only to have the door close on us. We didn’t know the next step to take so we just prayed.

Then two days later, we received an e-mail, asking us to call the agency. Even though they were full, they went back through the list of applicants and selected one couple – us. The lady we spoke with said that in all the years she has worked there, the agency has never done this before. We were (and still are) overwhelmed that this happened to us. There are new tears now –tears of joy and thanksgiving.

So we move forward, knowing there will be more and maybe even bigger challenges to come. But we rest in the peace that God’s got this. He’s in control and He has plan that will surpass all our expectations. We wait, knowing that one day there is more joy to come.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

Musical Prayers

Growing up, my home was always filled with music. My mom is a beautiful singer and can often be heard singing or humming favorite songs. My dad, although he lacks some vocal talent and rhythm, makes up for it with soul and the desire to move and groove to a beat.

At a young age, I was introduced to Bob Seger, The Eagles and Chicago. Road trips were filled with good music and loud, usually off-key, voices. To this day, I think better with music in the background rather than silence. Whenever I hear a song, I’m quick to sing along or bust out the little moves I have. Some songs get my toes tapping and head bobbing; others stir my heart.

During our 18-month struggle with infertility, I’ve had a difficult time praying and speaking to God. I often didn’t have words to say and would just sit in silence. My heart was heavy with emotions, and I couldn’t find the words. So when I didn’t have the words, I borrowed the words of many others through music.

Worship through music has brought me comfort and nearness with the Lord. Sometimes I let the lyrics wash over me. Other times, I sing to God with all the strength in me. During this time, worship through music is when my heart feels closest to the Lord.

Many songs have touched my heart over the last year, but my favorites are from Jourdan Burks’ album, Mend. She is a talented singer at our church, and I’ve been blessed to hear her many times. I bought her CD during the month I was undergoing fertility shots. To this day, that month was the hardest, most heartbreaking time in my life, especially because the treatment was unsuccessful.

Jourdan’s CD was the only music that played in my car during that time. All my feelings were expressed through her lyrics. Each song is wonderful, but the one that resonated the most with me is Right Here.

I know that you are with me
But I feel so alone
I know you have my future
But it seems unknown

When my heart is hurting
And the pieces fall apart again
When I can’t make sense of it all
You’re still holding me

Lord you are right here with me
Your heart breaks with each tear
You know what’s on the other side
You calm while I’m here
And you are right here with me
You whisper in my ear
I can’t see past this moment
Bring peace while I am here

Lord you know
And you are good
All your promises are true
You are faithful
You are love
And I am yours

Lord you are right here with me
Your heart breaks with each tear
You know what’s on the other side
You calm while I’m here
And you are right here with me
You whisper in my ear
I can’t see past this moment
Bring peace while I am here


My hope in writing this is to encourage you to use and express the talents God gave you. If you feel moved to write, sing, draw, dance, do it for His glory, and He can do amazing things through it. Jourdan doesn’t know me or about my struggle, but God used her words and talent to bring comfort to my heart and allow me to draw closer to Him.

I am incredibly thankful for her lyrics and even more thankful that God is indeed good and that He loves me more than I know. It’s true. He’s right here.

Habakkuk 3:17-18

A few months before our wedding, Craig called to tell me he had found the verse for our wedding ceremony. I waited excitedly to hear a verse about love, marriage, husbands and wives. Then he read the following to me:

Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. Habakkuk 3:17-18

“Well, what do you think?” he said.

I paused and waited for him to say it’s a joke. Does he really think I want the words “stalls” and “herd” in my wedding ceremony? Where’s the love, the beautiful marriage advice? Then my wise-beyond-his-years man tells me that although these aren’t traditional wedding verses, this is the theme he wants for our marriage: Through all things, good and bad, we have faith in a God who is perfect, all knowing and powerful. He is what gives us strength and brings peace even in the darkest times.

So on our wedding day, I stood next to the love of my life, my best friend and sang “You give and take away. My heart will choose to say. Lord, blessed be Your Name.” Then heard our marriage verses read over us. That day, hearing those words was easy. That day, God filled the desire of my heart to be Mrs. Craig Northcutt. That day, was full of joy, happiness and love. It was easy to say that I had hope and trust in the Lord that day.

Over the last 7 months, we have tried multiple medical treatments to conceive a baby, all of which have been unsuccessful. Each time, one of our attempts failed, these are the verses that are pushed to the front of my mind. These words are harder to say now when there is hurt and disappointment. These words are sometimes said through tears and in a quivering voice. But the truth of these words is still real and these verses carry more meaning for me now than they ever did on my wedding day. My joy is not defined by what I have or don't have. My joy is knowing that the God who created the earth and everything in it, calls me His child and has rescued me from my sin. One day, He will end all hurt and tears and take me home.

This weekend, our church will start studying the book of Habakkuk. I am excited to hear what the Lord has for us through this book and how His Word will continue to challenge and grow my faith.

Little White Table

Craig and I recently purchased new phones and I had to transfer all my information over to the new one. As I was going through my photos, deciding which pictures to transfer, I found this one of our old kitchen table:



We received this table as a wedding present and it was the only brand new item in our first apartment. Everything else was mismatched treasures found in garage sales, saved from our college days or given to us by our parents. But this small white table was the one thing that was new. And I loved it! Even though four people couldn’t fit around it without bumping elbows, I still loved it. I served my husband the first meal I had ever cooked on that table. I also served him the first meal I ever burned on that table, too.

When I look at this picture, I’m reminded of our first year of marriage and how the Lord graciously provided for us during that time. Times when we didn’t know how the bills were going to be paid, times when the amount we owed was the exact amount we had, when our car broke down and someone just gave us one. Blessed memories of how God gave us more than we deserved over and over. This picture reminds me of how much we depended on the Lord then and how much we need to depend on Him now. Even in our current struggle, God has made His presence known. He has provided friends and family to love us and pray for us. He is with us, daily providing us with strength, hope and love.

By the way, my little white table has a new home with our brother and sister-in-law. I hope they will also make many memories around that table.

Because so many have asked…

“When are you guys going to have a kid?”

We get asked some form of this question at least once every two weeks. Either from family or friends anxiously hoping that the time is soon or from complete strangers who are just curious. I guess by four years of marriage, most young couples have had at least one child.

The truth isn’t that we don’t want a child. In fact, we desperately long for one. Unfortunately, wanting something doesn’t mean it’s going to be given to you. This month, this week marks a year of trying. One year filled with hope, sorrow and many, many tears.

I would love to say that I have handled this struggle with patience and unwavering faith but I haven’t. There have been many times when it’s been easier to respond with anger and sadness. This struggle has cut me to the core and brought forth the sins that lay deepest inside my heart –selfishness, pride and my need for control.

Selfishness, because I continually want more. God has given me all that I have asked for and so many blessings that I never even imagined. Yet with all these blessings, I want more. I look at what God has given me and I tell Him, it’s not enough.

Pride, in how I feel that somehow I deserve a child. That I have lived a good life, been a good person, made good decisions and now this gift needs to be granted to me. In my head, I list out all the things I have done that make me worthy to have a baby but my heart knows that no deed, no thought, no amount of human goodness will equal a child.

My need for control…oh this could be a book of it’s own. I plan my life like a time-line and up until now, everything has gone according to my perfectly mapped-out plan. Now, life is not working out exactly the way I planned it. I can’t see the path God has for me and not having control scares me.

The growing awareness of my sin has made me more in awe of God’s grace and goodness. My faith in the Lord has kept me from falling into depression or wallowing in anger. He has provided sweet reminders of His love and goodness throughout this entire year. Whether it’s through the love and support of friends and family or knowledge from doctors and nurses, His peace has covered us. Even the summer rain this morning as I drove to a doctor’s appointment was a reminder of His presence. So we continue to pray, knowing there may be more tears along the way, but we have hope in a God who is faithful and steadfast in love.

Happy 25th

Today is Craig's 25th birthday, so I thought I would share 25 things that I love about my hubby! Warning -- PDA is displayed :)

I LOVE...
1. that you make the best grilled cheese
2. when you hum along to the radio or a TV commercial without realizing it
3. that you love sports (even though you do cheer for some of the wrong teams)
4. how passionate you are about your job
5. that you are the financially responsible one in the relationship
6. the way your love your family
7. how you talk with your hands when you are really excited about a topic
8. that you let me sing in the car as loud as I want
9. that you are cleaner than me (seriously)
10. the way you to make much of God and not of yourself
11. how your mind figures out the most efficient way of doing anything
12. the way you hold my hand when I'm wearing high heels
13. the way you love my family
14. that you eat Mexican food like a real Mexican
15. that even though I go to bed hours before you, you still tuck me in and kiss me good-night
16. that you teach me about duel dampers and curb adapters
17. how you make drinking Dr. Pepper look so good
18. how you look when you mow the lawn -- so sexy!
19. that you plan for our future
20. that you feign interest in shows like Gilmore Girls because you know I like them
21. how you make history seem so interesting
22. how you make me laugh til I cry
23. your endless supply of patience with me
24. that you always help me with housework
25. the way you selflessly love me

Happy Birthday Babe!

Previously on the Northcutts...

So not posting a blog since November = pretty sad. My husband constantly asks, "Why do we even have a blog?" Truth is, I like having a blog and aspire to be faithful blogger one day. I keep thinking the blogging bug will just hit me and I will post at least once a week. (Right now, I would just be happy with once a month). In the mean time, I will try to be better about blogging.

Time for a little recap. Let's pretend this like the TV show you faithfully watched and then suddenly lost interest. Now, you are getting back into watching it and need a recap. So previously on The Northcutts:

December 10: Craig's graduation
The day finally arrived! Such a great day seeing my man accomplish this goal.






December 25: Christmas
Spending the holiday with my entire Mexican family. Yes, all Mexican families are this big :)




Craig winning our cookie decorating contest. Yours truly came in 2nd. The Northcutts always bring their A game.


The winning cookie! Someone needs to tell Martha about his amazing talent.


January:
First time in our entire marriage that one of us is not in school!!!

February:
Our house in the making


March:
Our last full month in the apartment!


April 4: Moving Day!


New home-owners

A BIG UPDATE!

This weekend we signed the papers to start building our first house! We had seen an area in Denton a few months ago that we really liked and last week we decided to go check it out. By Saturday morning we were ready to sign. Here some pics of us making the deal:

Signing our life away :)


There were LOTS of papers to sign!


Putting the SOLD sticker on the map!


Our dirt lot!




This lot is now SOLD!




We are so excited about our new house. We've already picked out cabinets, counter tops and floors. Now it just needs to get built! I'm sure there will be many more posts about our house-in-progress.

First Day of School!

Bright and VERY EARLY Monday morning, I headed out to Vickery Elementary in Lewisville to start my first day of work. Craig got up early to make my breakfast and pack my lunch -- I almost thought he was going to pull out a camera and take the "first day pic." I'm really enjoying my job and am already loving the kids. Here's are my favorite kid moments from this week:

At lunch on Monday, a second grader asks me what my name is. I tell him, "Mrs. Northcutt" and he says. "Whoa, that's like a direction and ... scissors!"

At the end of the day on Wednesday, I was in the cafeteria helping dismiss kids and I sat down at the kindergarten table to talk to a student. Another little girl looks at me and asks her teacher if "Mrs. Northcutt is waiting for her mommy pick her up, too." Her teacher laughs and says "Does Mrs. Northcutt look like a kindergartner?" The little girl thinks it over and says, "She could be an older one." I guess my anti-aging cream is really working!

I'm sure there will be many more fun moments with my kids!

Summer Lovin'

Long time no blog! Well, I do have a couple reasons for not updating this sooner.

Reason #1. This summer has been BUSY with lots of weddings, trips and family time.

Reason #2: My computer has lost all my pictures! Well... not lost exactly, just disappeared into the black hole that is my hard drive. It takes forever to hunt down pictures and I haven't had the energy to go digging for something that used to be so easily accessible. I know I could have posted blogs without pics but I tend to have the five-year-old mentality that stories are better when accompanied by pictures.

So, I am posting about the only pictures I have -- the babies I take of! Who doesn't love some cute baby pictures? These pics are from their first birthday party.

Waiting for their cakes and their first time to eat sugar!


Sweet Girl!

Things I love about Laine:
1. She laughs and smiles all the time.
2. She loves to hear songs -- even when I sing them way off key.
3. She eats her food like a polite little lady -- one piece at a time.
4. She bounces up and down when she gets excited.
5. She is the most easy going and laid back baby I've ever taken care of -- she rarely gets upset.

Lil man!

Things I love about Will
1. He likes to make his sister and me laugh.
2. He has this adventurous nature -- he crawls over everything including Laine and me. Nothing gets in his way!
3. He likes to have his bottom patted when he goes to sleep.
4. He crawls up to me and puts his head in my lap.
5. He likes to snuggle when he wakes up from a nap.

Happy Birthday Will and Laine!

No more school -- EVER!!!

I am finally done with school! No more teachers, no more tests, no more papers! It's a little hard to believe that it's all over and by August, I will join the ranks of other full-time working Americans. For the time being, I am enjoying my summer off. Here are some pics from graduation: