Growing up, my home was always filled with music. My mom is a beautiful singer and can often be heard singing or humming favorite songs. My dad, although he lacks some vocal talent and rhythm, makes up for it with soul and the desire to move and groove to a beat.
At a young age, I was introduced to Bob Seger, The Eagles and Chicago. Road trips were filled with good music and loud, usually off-key, voices. To this day, I think better with music in the background rather than silence. Whenever I hear a song, I’m quick to sing along or bust out the little moves I have. Some songs get my toes tapping and head bobbing; others stir my heart.
During our 18-month struggle with infertility, I’ve had a difficult time praying and speaking to God. I often didn’t have words to say and would just sit in silence. My heart was heavy with emotions, and I couldn’t find the words. So when I didn’t have the words, I borrowed the words of many others through music.
Worship through music has brought me comfort and nearness with the Lord. Sometimes I let the lyrics wash over me. Other times, I sing to God with all the strength in me. During this time, worship through music is when my heart feels closest to the Lord.
Many songs have touched my heart over the last year, but my favorites are from Jourdan Burks’ album, Mend. She is a talented singer at our church, and I’ve been blessed to hear her many times. I bought her CD during the month I was undergoing fertility shots. To this day, that month was the hardest, most heartbreaking time in my life, especially because the treatment was unsuccessful.
Jourdan’s CD was the only music that played in my car during that time. All my feelings were expressed through her lyrics. Each song is wonderful, but the one that resonated the most with me is Right Here.
I know that you are with me
But I feel so alone
I know you have my future
But it seems unknown
When my heart is hurting
And the pieces fall apart again
When I can’t make sense of it all
You’re still holding me
Lord you are right here with me
Your heart breaks with each tear
You know what’s on the other side
You calm while I’m here
And you are right here with me
You whisper in my ear
I can’t see past this moment
Bring peace while I am here
Lord you know
And you are good
All your promises are true
You are faithful
You are love
And I am yours
Lord you are right here with me
Your heart breaks with each tear
You know what’s on the other side
You calm while I’m here
And you are right here with me
You whisper in my ear
I can’t see past this moment
Bring peace while I am here
My hope in writing this is to encourage you to use and express the talents God gave you. If you feel moved to write, sing, draw, dance, do it for His glory, and He can do amazing things through it. Jourdan doesn’t know me or about my struggle, but God used her words and talent to bring comfort to my heart and allow me to draw closer to Him.
I am incredibly thankful for her lyrics and even more thankful that God is indeed good and that He loves me more than I know. It’s true. He’s right here.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Habakkuk 3:17-18
A few months before our wedding, Craig called to tell me he had found the verse for our wedding ceremony. I waited excitedly to hear a verse about love, marriage, husbands and wives. Then he read the following to me:
Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. Habakkuk 3:17-18
“Well, what do you think?” he said.
I paused and waited for him to say it’s a joke. Does he really think I want the words “stalls” and “herd” in my wedding ceremony? Where’s the love, the beautiful marriage advice? Then my wise-beyond-his-years man tells me that although these aren’t traditional wedding verses, this is the theme he wants for our marriage: Through all things, good and bad, we have faith in a God who is perfect, all knowing and powerful. He is what gives us strength and brings peace even in the darkest times.
So on our wedding day, I stood next to the love of my life, my best friend and sang “You give and take away. My heart will choose to say. Lord, blessed be Your Name.” Then heard our marriage verses read over us. That day, hearing those words was easy. That day, God filled the desire of my heart to be Mrs. Craig Northcutt. That day, was full of joy, happiness and love. It was easy to say that I had hope and trust in the Lord that day.
Over the last 7 months, we have tried multiple medical treatments to conceive a baby, all of which have been unsuccessful. Each time, one of our attempts failed, these are the verses that are pushed to the front of my mind. These words are harder to say now when there is hurt and disappointment. These words are sometimes said through tears and in a quivering voice. But the truth of these words is still real and these verses carry more meaning for me now than they ever did on my wedding day. My joy is not defined by what I have or don't have. My joy is knowing that the God who created the earth and everything in it, calls me His child and has rescued me from my sin. One day, He will end all hurt and tears and take me home.
This weekend, our church will start studying the book of Habakkuk. I am excited to hear what the Lord has for us through this book and how His Word will continue to challenge and grow my faith.
Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. Habakkuk 3:17-18
“Well, what do you think?” he said.
I paused and waited for him to say it’s a joke. Does he really think I want the words “stalls” and “herd” in my wedding ceremony? Where’s the love, the beautiful marriage advice? Then my wise-beyond-his-years man tells me that although these aren’t traditional wedding verses, this is the theme he wants for our marriage: Through all things, good and bad, we have faith in a God who is perfect, all knowing and powerful. He is what gives us strength and brings peace even in the darkest times.
So on our wedding day, I stood next to the love of my life, my best friend and sang “You give and take away. My heart will choose to say. Lord, blessed be Your Name.” Then heard our marriage verses read over us. That day, hearing those words was easy. That day, God filled the desire of my heart to be Mrs. Craig Northcutt. That day, was full of joy, happiness and love. It was easy to say that I had hope and trust in the Lord that day.
Over the last 7 months, we have tried multiple medical treatments to conceive a baby, all of which have been unsuccessful. Each time, one of our attempts failed, these are the verses that are pushed to the front of my mind. These words are harder to say now when there is hurt and disappointment. These words are sometimes said through tears and in a quivering voice. But the truth of these words is still real and these verses carry more meaning for me now than they ever did on my wedding day. My joy is not defined by what I have or don't have. My joy is knowing that the God who created the earth and everything in it, calls me His child and has rescued me from my sin. One day, He will end all hurt and tears and take me home.
This weekend, our church will start studying the book of Habakkuk. I am excited to hear what the Lord has for us through this book and how His Word will continue to challenge and grow my faith.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Little White Table
Craig and I recently purchased new phones and I had to transfer all my information over to the new one. As I was going through my photos, deciding which pictures to transfer, I found this one of our old kitchen table:
We received this table as a wedding present and it was the only brand new item in our first apartment. Everything else was mismatched treasures found in garage sales, saved from our college days or given to us by our parents. But this small white table was the one thing that was new. And I loved it! Even though four people couldn’t fit around it without bumping elbows, I still loved it. I served my husband the first meal I had ever cooked on that table. I also served him the first meal I ever burned on that table, too.
When I look at this picture, I’m reminded of our first year of marriage and how the Lord graciously provided for us during that time. Times when we didn’t know how the bills were going to be paid, times when the amount we owed was the exact amount we had, when our car broke down and someone just gave us one. Blessed memories of how God gave us more than we deserved over and over. This picture reminds me of how much we depended on the Lord then and how much we need to depend on Him now. Even in our current struggle, God has made His presence known. He has provided friends and family to love us and pray for us. He is with us, daily providing us with strength, hope and love.
By the way, my little white table has a new home with our brother and sister-in-law. I hope they will also make many memories around that table.
We received this table as a wedding present and it was the only brand new item in our first apartment. Everything else was mismatched treasures found in garage sales, saved from our college days or given to us by our parents. But this small white table was the one thing that was new. And I loved it! Even though four people couldn’t fit around it without bumping elbows, I still loved it. I served my husband the first meal I had ever cooked on that table. I also served him the first meal I ever burned on that table, too.
When I look at this picture, I’m reminded of our first year of marriage and how the Lord graciously provided for us during that time. Times when we didn’t know how the bills were going to be paid, times when the amount we owed was the exact amount we had, when our car broke down and someone just gave us one. Blessed memories of how God gave us more than we deserved over and over. This picture reminds me of how much we depended on the Lord then and how much we need to depend on Him now. Even in our current struggle, God has made His presence known. He has provided friends and family to love us and pray for us. He is with us, daily providing us with strength, hope and love.
By the way, my little white table has a new home with our brother and sister-in-law. I hope they will also make many memories around that table.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Because so many have asked…
“When are you guys going to have a kid?”
We get asked some form of this question at least once every two weeks. Either from family or friends anxiously hoping that the time is soon or from complete strangers who are just curious. I guess by four years of marriage, most young couples have had at least one child.
The truth isn’t that we don’t want a child. In fact, we desperately long for one. Unfortunately, wanting something doesn’t mean it’s going to be given to you. This month, this week marks a year of trying. One year filled with hope, sorrow and many, many tears.
I would love to say that I have handled this struggle with patience and unwavering faith but I haven’t. There have been many times when it’s been easier to respond with anger and sadness. This struggle has cut me to the core and brought forth the sins that lay deepest inside my heart –selfishness, pride and my need for control.
Selfishness, because I continually want more. God has given me all that I have asked for and so many blessings that I never even imagined. Yet with all these blessings, I want more. I look at what God has given me and I tell Him, it’s not enough.
Pride, in how I feel that somehow I deserve a child. That I have lived a good life, been a good person, made good decisions and now this gift needs to be granted to me. In my head, I list out all the things I have done that make me worthy to have a baby but my heart knows that no deed, no thought, no amount of human goodness will equal a child.
My need for control…oh this could be a book of it’s own. I plan my life like a time-line and up until now, everything has gone according to my perfectly mapped-out plan. Now, life is not working out exactly the way I planned it. I can’t see the path God has for me and not having control scares me.
The growing awareness of my sin has made me more in awe of God’s grace and goodness. My faith in the Lord has kept me from falling into depression or wallowing in anger. He has provided sweet reminders of His love and goodness throughout this entire year. Whether it’s through the love and support of friends and family or knowledge from doctors and nurses, His peace has covered us. Even the summer rain this morning as I drove to a doctor’s appointment was a reminder of His presence. So we continue to pray, knowing there may be more tears along the way, but we have hope in a God who is faithful and steadfast in love.
We get asked some form of this question at least once every two weeks. Either from family or friends anxiously hoping that the time is soon or from complete strangers who are just curious. I guess by four years of marriage, most young couples have had at least one child.
The truth isn’t that we don’t want a child. In fact, we desperately long for one. Unfortunately, wanting something doesn’t mean it’s going to be given to you. This month, this week marks a year of trying. One year filled with hope, sorrow and many, many tears.
I would love to say that I have handled this struggle with patience and unwavering faith but I haven’t. There have been many times when it’s been easier to respond with anger and sadness. This struggle has cut me to the core and brought forth the sins that lay deepest inside my heart –selfishness, pride and my need for control.
Selfishness, because I continually want more. God has given me all that I have asked for and so many blessings that I never even imagined. Yet with all these blessings, I want more. I look at what God has given me and I tell Him, it’s not enough.
Pride, in how I feel that somehow I deserve a child. That I have lived a good life, been a good person, made good decisions and now this gift needs to be granted to me. In my head, I list out all the things I have done that make me worthy to have a baby but my heart knows that no deed, no thought, no amount of human goodness will equal a child.
My need for control…oh this could be a book of it’s own. I plan my life like a time-line and up until now, everything has gone according to my perfectly mapped-out plan. Now, life is not working out exactly the way I planned it. I can’t see the path God has for me and not having control scares me.
The growing awareness of my sin has made me more in awe of God’s grace and goodness. My faith in the Lord has kept me from falling into depression or wallowing in anger. He has provided sweet reminders of His love and goodness throughout this entire year. Whether it’s through the love and support of friends and family or knowledge from doctors and nurses, His peace has covered us. Even the summer rain this morning as I drove to a doctor’s appointment was a reminder of His presence. So we continue to pray, knowing there may be more tears along the way, but we have hope in a God who is faithful and steadfast in love.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Happy 25th
Today is Craig's 25th birthday, so I thought I would share 25 things that I love about my hubby! Warning -- PDA is displayed :)
I LOVE...
1. that you make the best grilled cheese
2. when you hum along to the radio or a TV commercial without realizing it
3. that you love sports (even though you do cheer for some of the wrong teams)
4. how passionate you are about your job
5. that you are the financially responsible one in the relationship
6. the way your love your family
7. how you talk with your hands when you are really excited about a topic
8. that you let me sing in the car as loud as I want
9. that you are cleaner than me (seriously)
10. the way you to make much of God and not of yourself
11. how your mind figures out the most efficient way of doing anything
12. the way you hold my hand when I'm wearing high heels
13. the way you love my family
14. that you eat Mexican food like a real Mexican
15. that even though I go to bed hours before you, you still tuck me in and kiss me good-night
16. that you teach me about duel dampers and curb adapters
17. how you make drinking Dr. Pepper look so good
18. how you look when you mow the lawn -- so sexy!
19. that you plan for our future
20. that you feign interest in shows like Gilmore Girls because you know I like them
21. how you make history seem so interesting
22. how you make me laugh til I cry
23. your endless supply of patience with me
24. that you always help me with housework
25. the way you selflessly love me
Happy Birthday Babe!
I LOVE...
1. that you make the best grilled cheese
2. when you hum along to the radio or a TV commercial without realizing it
3. that you love sports (even though you do cheer for some of the wrong teams)
4. how passionate you are about your job
5. that you are the financially responsible one in the relationship
6. the way your love your family
7. how you talk with your hands when you are really excited about a topic
8. that you let me sing in the car as loud as I want
9. that you are cleaner than me (seriously)
10. the way you to make much of God and not of yourself
11. how your mind figures out the most efficient way of doing anything
12. the way you hold my hand when I'm wearing high heels
13. the way you love my family
14. that you eat Mexican food like a real Mexican
15. that even though I go to bed hours before you, you still tuck me in and kiss me good-night
16. that you teach me about duel dampers and curb adapters
17. how you make drinking Dr. Pepper look so good
18. how you look when you mow the lawn -- so sexy!
19. that you plan for our future
20. that you feign interest in shows like Gilmore Girls because you know I like them
21. how you make history seem so interesting
22. how you make me laugh til I cry
23. your endless supply of patience with me
24. that you always help me with housework
25. the way you selflessly love me
Happy Birthday Babe!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Previously on the Northcutts...
So not posting a blog since November = pretty sad. My husband constantly asks, "Why do we even have a blog?" Truth is, I like having a blog and aspire to be faithful blogger one day. I keep thinking the blogging bug will just hit me and I will post at least once a week. (Right now, I would just be happy with once a month). In the mean time, I will try to be better about blogging.
Time for a little recap. Let's pretend this like the TV show you faithfully watched and then suddenly lost interest. Now, you are getting back into watching it and need a recap. So previously on The Northcutts:
December 10: Craig's graduation
The day finally arrived! Such a great day seeing my man accomplish this goal.
December 25: Christmas
Spending the holiday with my entire Mexican family. Yes, all Mexican families are this big :)
Craig winning our cookie decorating contest. Yours truly came in 2nd. The Northcutts always bring their A game.
The winning cookie! Someone needs to tell Martha about his amazing talent.
January:
First time in our entire marriage that one of us is not in school!!!
February:
Our house in the making
March:
Our last full month in the apartment!
April 4: Moving Day!
New home-owners
Time for a little recap. Let's pretend this like the TV show you faithfully watched and then suddenly lost interest. Now, you are getting back into watching it and need a recap. So previously on The Northcutts:
December 10: Craig's graduation
The day finally arrived! Such a great day seeing my man accomplish this goal.
December 25: Christmas
Spending the holiday with my entire Mexican family. Yes, all Mexican families are this big :)
Craig winning our cookie decorating contest. Yours truly came in 2nd. The Northcutts always bring their A game.
The winning cookie! Someone needs to tell Martha about his amazing talent.
January:
First time in our entire marriage that one of us is not in school!!!
February:
Our house in the making
March:
Our last full month in the apartment!
April 4: Moving Day!
New home-owners
Sunday, November 16, 2008
A BIG UPDATE!
This weekend we signed the papers to start building our first house! We had seen an area in Denton a few months ago that we really liked and last week we decided to go check it out. By Saturday morning we were ready to sign. Here some pics of us making the deal:
Signing our life away :)
There were LOTS of papers to sign!
Putting the SOLD sticker on the map!
Our dirt lot!
This lot is now SOLD!
We are so excited about our new house. We've already picked out cabinets, counter tops and floors. Now it just needs to get built! I'm sure there will be many more posts about our house-in-progress.
Signing our life away :)
There were LOTS of papers to sign!
Putting the SOLD sticker on the map!
Our dirt lot!
This lot is now SOLD!
We are so excited about our new house. We've already picked out cabinets, counter tops and floors. Now it just needs to get built! I'm sure there will be many more posts about our house-in-progress.
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